


Beautiful Nightmare

by xXdark_passengerXx



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Curses, M/M, Shizaya - Freeform, izaya suffers for them, izayas his curse, possibly confusing at first, shizuo has a list of bad habits, shizuo is cursed, witch stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:53:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25121947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXdark_passengerXx/pseuds/xXdark_passengerXx
Summary: ❝innocent like a fairy tale, it started with the blink of an eye; and even though it's wrong, i just wanna go back; i know it's bad for me, can't resist it❞-"I'll give you something that will surely make you stop - make you as miserable as you've made everyone all together.""I'm done with this crap. I've got everything that I've ever needed.""Each time you do a bad habit, they will be harmed, and you would have to break that habit to make them better. However, each time you do break one, they will hurt but won't be injured in any way. Either way, you will be miserable because they will be suffering.""Whatever.""Shizuo, this punishment will make you regret everything you have ever done. Just remember this: There's no stopping it and it's all your fault."
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya, Kishitani Shinra/Celty Sturluson
Comments: 33
Kudos: 104





	1. The Curse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! this book may be confusing at first, i get that..i had this idea years ago and it was actually meant to be written for a different ship...and then another one...before i finally wrote it for shizaya! so the first chapters a bit of a mess, and i know it may seem unclear at first, but i hope it will make more sense as the story goes on :)

A young boy roared out as he threw the slide towards the three kids running away from him. He nearly fell to the floor when the object left his hands. The four year old had been playing around with some kids when one of them thought it would be funny to throw a shovel at him and tease him about his hesitancy of talking to others. That was more than enough to anger him, and when he was angered, there was no telling what he would do. In this case, it was throw a slide.

He calmed down a little as he walked into the sandbox, taking a seat as he eyed the spots the other kids were sitting at before. He sighed as he looked down in shame. It occurred to him that this wasn't what normal boys did. He tried to stop, but some people were just so irritating. He couldn't help but feel a bit satisfied when he let his anger unleash; it was nice to let it out instead of keeping it bottled up inside. It was like a coaxing method—an unhealthy one maybe, but it still worked. Honestly, it was also a bit hilarious; the boys with their chin up would have the nerve to say things to him, but when he would throw a park bench at them, they suddenly weren't so tough anymore.

His parents were concerned. They contemplated taking him to a doctor for more than just getting his bones fixed when he broke them, but they didn't want his childhood to be filled with any more scenes like that. He already frequently visited the hospital because of his injuries. Plus, they feared he would be given medication. However, they wanted him to be happy as any other kid would be. They just wanted the best for him, but they didn't know what that was; it was the one thing most parents feared. In the end, they decided to hold the thought for a bit, thinking maybe— _hoping_ that it would get better. They hoped that he would slowly become less and less temperamental, and instead, find a hobby that wouldn't hurt people. Their wish wasn't coming any closer, only driving away as he broke more bones.

He laughed silently as he fell onto his back. The sand ruffled into his hair, but he didn't give it any thought as he stared up at the very blue sky. He tried to look at the bright side and ignore the pain; just laugh through it instead. It helped with his guilt and shame.

As he laughed once again, something was stuffed into his mouth. His eyes fell down at it; it was a gag. Immediately, he sat up and spat the white cloth out, only then noticing the woman sitting in front of him in the sandbox. He eyed her from top to bottom, not bothering to hide how suspicious he was. She was an adult, that he could observe, but it was hard to tell exactly how old. Her hair was a dark black colour, matching her aesthetic; her clothes, cloak, and lips were black as well. Her appearance made her seem like a witch, and at that idea, all his thoughts froze. He furrowed his eyebrows; he heard something about that once and believed it to be a rumour.

"Who the hell are you?" he bluntly asked, not bothering with any formalities. If she had the nerve to sit down and shove a rag into his mouth, did she deserve any form of politeness? She should be lucky that he didn't pick up the nearest five-hundred pound object to throw in her face.

"Such foul language," she muttered with a slight shake of her had. "This is your eighth violent act this week, and it's only Wednesday."

"Hah?" he growled out as he sat up straighter, glaring right at the woman. His fists clenched, gritting his teeth to keep his anger down. "And what's it to you, ya ol' hag?"

There was something off about the woman, and it was irritating him more than anything at the moment. It could've been the way she looked at him with that glint in her eyes or the sad smile that danced across her lips— he wasn't too sure. The only thing he was sure of was that he wanted nothing more than to throw something at the woman to get her out his sights.

"Such a corrupted child. How did such a thing end up like this?" she asked herself as she shook her head once again. "My job is to damn those who sin. However, you're only a child; it doesn't feel right to send a boy like you to hell... Not at such a young age, anyway. I guess we will see about that years from now."

"The hell you ramblin' 'bout?" he asked in frustration. He didn't like people who didn't get to the point, but those were especially the most satisfying to throw things at (ignoring the guilt he felt afterwards).

"However, you must be punished. It seems like there is a lack of something in your life—an emotion. It is a little hard to tell, but I've figured it out. I see that you have it, but not in the way that you need it. I know exactly how to fix that... I know exactly what your punishment should be," she thought aloud as she actually felt a little sorry for the boy. The brunet snarled at the look in her eyes, to which she ignored. "I'll give you that emotion. I'll give you something that will surely make you stop all this. It will help keep you in line, but will also make you as miserable as you've made everyone all together."

"I'm done with this crap," the boy grumbled as he stood up, only to stop in his actions as the woman stared into his soul. Slowly, he felt himself sitting back down as if he weren't in control of his own body. He laughed at the thought; it's not anything new anyway, since his temper liked to take over a lot. "I've got everything that I've ever needed."

"Each time you do a bad habit, they will be harmed, and you would have to break that habit to make them better. However, each time you do break one, they will hurt but won't be injured in any way. Either way, you will be miserable because they will be suffering," she explained in the most simple way she could think of. "Do you understand?"

"Yeah, whatever. I don't care enough to give a damn about your confusing, stupid words." The boy stood up, refusing to stay another minute longer with this crazy lady.

"Shizuo," she called out. He stopped in his tracks and immediately turned around, about to ask how she knew his name, but then she was speaking again. "This punishment will make you regret everything you have ever done. Just remember this: There's no stopping it and it's _all_ your fault."

Shizuo growled again as he turned around to grab the trash can that was near him. Some trash spilt out of it, but he couldn't care less. The only thing his mind could focus on was breaking the lady's old nose with the trash can. When he looked back at the sandbox, trash can held high in the air with a roar, she was gone.

—

"You're sure you just fell?"

Shizuo looked away from his mother, his head to the side so he wouldn't meet her eyes. He still couldn't process what had happened; the woman at the park that had been spewing things must've been messing with him. Even with his thoughts jumbled up, he still had to give an answer to his mother to calm her suspicions. He couldn't let her think he still got so violent.

"Yeah." He nodded his head, a small smile appearing on his lips. He still kept his gaze away from her, unable to lie to her eyes. "I fell off the slide and scraped my knees."

At the moment, he had been sitting on the bathroom's counter with his mother tending his knee. He hissed when she swabbed the injury with an alcohol wipe.

As she was wrapping his knee in some gauze, she moved her head so it was in his field of vision, and now he didn't have an excuse not to look at her anymore. He held back a groan, letting his smile falter only the slightest bit.

After what seemed like forever, she let out an annoyed sigh, holding his shoulders with her hands.

"Be more careful next time, okay?"

He nodded his head and she straightened up, walking out of the bathroom with nothing else to say. Shizuo hopped off the counter, the sudden force of the ground making the pain in his knees throb. It didn't hurt too bad, but it was still enough to make him more cautious as he walked to his room.

He thought about his mother's words and laughed. It was impossible to be careful, especially with his strength. He was a danger to others and himself, and there was no stopping it. They all just had to live with it.

He looked out his window and found his mother and father standing outside. It didn't seem like they were doing anything in particular— not even talking. They were just looking at the outside world with his father's arms around his mother. He didn't understand how they could just do nothing and be content, but his mother said he wouldn't understand until he was older. She said he'd have to find the right person and only then would it all make sense.

For a minute, he let himself think. He let himself ignore the odds and just believe that one day, he would find someone. Could he? Could he possibly be with someone without harming them? He didn't think so, but his mother did. She was older and wiser, so she had to be right. She knew what she was talking about.

Then again, she really didn't. She thought he was getting better— that his anger wasn't a part of who he really was. The only reason she ever said stuff about him being happy was because she really didn't know him.

With a sad sigh, he looked up at the sky. The sun was setting and the colours were beautiful. It was a strange scene; the orange colours looked more red and it seemed like the sky was going to engulf the entire world with its power. The red captivated Shizuo and he put a hand to the window in an attempt to be closer to it.

He wished he had someone to share this moment with.


	2. Isn't This Fun?

  
Shizuo's eyes shot open. He stared at the ceiling, gaping in confusion. Touching his forehead, he found it to be wet. He realized it was sweat, but why was he sweating?

He groaned as he recalled his dream– _memory_ or something. He wasn't sure at the moment, so he reached towards his nightstand, grabbing the notebook laying on top of it. It was a journal from his childhood years, but he kept it specifically for one entry; the day he met the weird woman. He read the entry every time he had the strange dream to remind him it was actually a memory. 

To this day, he still couldn't figure out what the woman meant, if it were even meant to have a meaning or truth. It had been nearly twenty-one years since his encounter with that weird witch-thing woman-person. He didn't bother much with her words, instead continuing with his life as he did. His temper and violence only got worse, but he tried not to show it to his parents. He acted as if he got better, and in a way, he did. He no longer ended up in the hospital for broken bones, since he had broken all of his so many times, that somebody would practically have to saw his bones to break them.

The twenty-five year old sat up and rubbed his face. It had been a while since he recalled the memory. Each time he remembered the conversation with the witch, it seemed like it was only a figment of his imagination. It had been over two decades; her words were nothing more than an empty threat, it seemed. Then again, he wasn't too sure what to look out for since her warning was confusing. Nothing strange or bad happened yet, so it couldn't have been anything serious.

He swung his legs over the bed as he stood up, walking to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He didn't have time to overthink this. He had made plans with some friends to head to the local mall and do whatever; let it be heading to the arcade and throwing machines around, or eating at the food court and throwing the table in some direction— it's not like he wanted these things to happen, they were just inevitable.

He grabbed his phone and a bag of textbooks when he was done getting ready, grimacing at the time; he was going to be late and he knew Shinra wouldn't shut up about it.

He thought about taking the bus but decided to walk instead, deciding that if he were going to be late anyway, he might as well enjoy the travel there. He took in the sight of the empty roads, listening to the wind in the trees. It was a bit relaxing and calming, which he liked. He hated his bad habits, but he couldn't help it. It was the same way he felt about violence. It just wasn't something he could control.

"Hey, Kadota," Shizuo called out as he walked towards his two friends. He stared at the four-eyed freak with a slightly annoyed look. "Shinra."

"Ah, Shizuo! You made it!" Shinra beamed as he brought both his hands together, adding a little jump to his step as he walked towards Shizuo. "But you're late again! Why do you always do this? I was beginning to think some police officer had finally caught you throwing– ah!"

Shinra moved to the left as he ducked, the textbook flying right above his head. He looked back to see the book fall over the railing and to the level below, now lost in the crowd of humans. Shinra furrowed his eyebrows at what was thrown. As if sensing his confusion, Shizuo decided to explain his choice of projectile.

"I didn't want to cause too much trouble by throwing the telephone booth or something, so I brought some things to throw at you instead," Shizuo answered as he slightly raised the brown bag draped over his shoulder. "The textbook was yours."

"Hey–"

"Anyway," Kadota interrupted as he shook his head at the two. "Let's check out some stores."

And so they did. Shinra and Shizuo bickered a bit, even Kadota added a few insults here and there, but nothing too extreme. Shizuo had thrown a water bottle, some rocks, and two more textbooks out of the bag he brought along. He had also thrown some trash cans that were nearby and some shoes he was looked at. The shoes had knocked Shinra out of the store, causing the alarm to beep loudly. They had to explain why the shoes were out of the store unpaid as they laid on top of a nearly unconscious man. That had been fun.

Currently, the three were roaming a random store. Half the time, they didn't even buy anything. Just messing around was usually fun enough. They seemed to get bored of the store and headed out. Shinra then gasped as he told Shizuo to close his eyes quickly.

"Like hell I'm doing that!" he yelled, raising a clenched fist towards Shinra's direction. "You're acting as if I trust you!"

"Do you trust Kadota?" Shinra asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "His eyes will be open, so there's no need to fret! It's not like I'm going to _open_ you up here and now! That would be ridiculous!"

Shizuo gave Kadota a look, one that said, _Shove him down the stairs if he does anything remotely funny_ before closing his eyes reluctantly. He heard Shinra's quiet snickering as he held onto Shizuo's arm, guiding him to wherever. Shizuo could've opened his eyes at any time, but he refused to give in to temptation. He had to admit that he was a little curious of where he was being dragged off to.

Barely a minute later, Shinra then let go of his arm and Shizuo could hear the quick footsteps running away. He felt Kadota let go of his arm as he hesitantly backed away. Shizuo then decided to open his eyes and he nearly screamed. Of course he stood in the middle of a _Victoria's Secret_ store. He felt the stares on him as his fists clenched and he glared at nothing in particular since he was glaring at the face of his friend in his mind.

_"Shinra!"_ he growled out loudly as he spun on his heels and ran out of the store. He frantically looked left and right before his eyes landed on some familiar brown hair. He growled out again as he ran towards the figure, grabbing one of the gum-ball machines on the way.

"Shinra, you are so dead!"

He pushed through people, most of them frozen in shock or fear at his angry voice, but his eyes never left the white shirt of his friend, even if the fear of the frozen people made it hard to manoeuvre around them. Shizuo was taller than most, so it wasn't that hard to keep his eyes on the man he was going to strangle, but, somehow, he still managed to lose the idiot.

"Damn it!" he screamed as he continued running aimlessly with the gum-ball machine high in the air, hoping he would bump into the brunet.

He heard a small groan and he blinked, stopping in his tracks. Shizuo looked down and saw that he had bumped into a man, and unfortunately, it wasn't his so-called friend.

Shizuo was going just apologize and move on— in fact, he was about to do just that, but he glanced at the man instead, and he instantly regretted it. As the raven-haired man looked up with curious red eyes, Shizuo suddenly forgot all about Shinra, dropping the gum ball machine on the floor to the right. The man's eyes wandered to the colourful pieces of gum spilling out of the broken glass. Shizuo couldn't seem to walk away from the man. He felt as if he was supposed to be running _towards_ him instead.

Only then did he process the colour of the man's eyes. It was familiar, but he was sure he hadn't ever seen him before. He would've remembered. Yet, it was like he had always been by Shizuo's side, always had been the whisper in Shizuo's ear calming him down.

It took him a moment to realize he had been staring at the confused guy. Shaking his head, he got all the flustering thoughts out of his head before his attention was, once again, caught on the man standing across from him.

"Uh, sorry," Shizuo apologized finally as he continued staring at the man. His red eyes then glinted with a familiar shine that he often saw in Shinra's eyes. _Mischief._ He suddenly growled, getting angry at his friend and this newcomer who reminded him of the former man. "You piss me off."

The other guy blinked for a second, as if surprised, but he regained his composure quickly. "Well, that was a sudden change in mood," the man's light voice sounded his ears as he said the words with a mocking tone. He tilted his head a bit to the left, an eyebrow raised in a condescending way. Shizuo wanted to punch it, or so he thought. "It's a shame though. I thought that we could maybe have some fun."

Shizuo narrowed his eyes as a warning to the other. So what if he had some captivating eyes? He still seemed like an arsehole. An arsehole with a face too perfect to punch, but his anger was blind with a mind of its own, and all the thoughts that he should've kept in mind so he could ponder about it later disappeared along with his composure.

The man suddenly took a pen from a distracted man's pocket as he took a step towards Shizuo. Shizuo's eyes narrowed at that; not only was he full of mischief, but he was a sneaky pest. Shizuo couldn't understand why he thought this man was someone he knew; he only angered Shizuo, not calm him down.

The man gently grabbed Shizuo's arm and wrote something on it. Shizuo let him, despite his fury. As soon as the mischievous man touched his arm, Shizuo was ready to let everything go, but he wasn't sure what for. Maybe it was because Shizuo was afraid of his skin burning the man, but that couldn't have been it. Instead, it was almost as if he liked the other's touch; it was tender and caring, and suddenly, he was four years old and in his room as he stared out at the sunset, watching the red take over the sky.

It was absurd, and he knew that, but he couldn't stop thinking about it, so he let the man do as he pleased. All he did was try angling his head so he could maybe catch a glimpse, but to no avail.

When he pulled away, he saw that a rather larger image of a certain male part was drawn on the length of his arm. He snarled as he glowered at the man, his fists ready to punch the ugly smirk off his face, but instead of backing down or cowering away, the man only smirked wider.

"See?" he asked tauntingly, taking a step back as he threw both of his hands in the air with a small shrug, the pen flying somewhere into the crowd. "Isn't this fun?"

He then turned around suddenly and ran away from the blond, the only thing left behind was the linger of his laugh. Shizuo blinked as he stared at his arm, only now noticing the numbers written on his wrist, much more tiny than the image had been. Shizuo looked back up to see the raven man already on the other side of the crowd, an uncanny grin across his lips as he watched Shizuo with challenging eyes.

Shizuo didn't take another second to run, sprinting to try to catch up to the man and demand answers. However, when he got to the spot the man had previously stood at, the man wasn't anywhere in sight. He didn't let that stop him; he searched every store he passed, asking everyone if they happened to see a man with glinting, crimson eyes, but they all just shrugged him off. One of them called him drunk, which led to Shizuo picking up a bench and hurling it at them.

For what seemed like forever, he chased after everyone and anyone with hair as black as the night, and anyone whose eyes seemed like even a light tint of brown, but no one ever had the rusty red colour of that man. It was like he never even stumbled into Shizuo, and the blond wouldn't have believed their encounter, had it not been for the writing on his arm.

At that, he glanced at the black marks again. Ignoring the very obvious image, he focused on the numbers. It looked like it could mean something, but his mind was too occupied with wanting to hunt down the man. It was probably some code or some kind of prank that the raven thought was funny. Shizuo wasn't laughing.

Giving one last glance at the crowd, his eyes spending a lot of time scanning people, he sighed and managed to walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i said id publish another story alongside this one but i dont know how people can focus on more than one work at once :/ its talent.. but i can write one shots :) ill publish one every one-two weeks starting later this week....if youre interested :)


	3. The Call

  
Shizuo found Shinra and Kadota in the food court, talking idly as Shinra frantically looked around, probably for a certain blond that was hunting him down. His eyes then landed on Shizuo and he visibly paled as his mouth was left agape. Shizuo made his way to the two.

"Shizuo!" Shinra grinned as the man walked towards them. There was some nervousness in his voice, but all three of them ignored it. "Where have you been? I was wondering—"

Shizuo growled silently, warning Shinra to shut up. The latter did so as Shizuo sat in the chair beside Kadota, who handed him a burger as Shizuo eyed it warily.

"We knew you'd be hungry," he explained, shaking his head. "Shinra's an idiot."

"Hey!" Shinra crossed his arms as he looked to the left. "I'm no idiot! I can have my lovely Celty vouch for—"

"Shinra," Kadota interrupted, trying to get his attention, but Shinra just continued on.

"I mean, you were in on it too, so why was I the only one being chased?" he complained before his voice went quiet.

Both men fell silent as they stared at Shizuo, who had begun to eat his burger. "What?" he asked in a rather loud voice, hating the attention they were giving him.

"Your arm," Kadota curiously said as he squinted his eyes at it. "Why—"

"It was some kid," Shizuo mumbled as he took a bite of his burger before he began to explain his encounter. Thinking about the guy only made him angry, but it also made him relax considerably. It made no sense. "Someone who thought it'd be nice to mess with me. He's almost as big of an idiot as Shinra."

"And the numbers?" Kadota questioned as he reached for the other's wrist. Shizuo reluctantly let go of his burger with a sigh, knowing he wasn't going to be finishing his food anytime soon. He let Kadota hold his wrist to their eye level, examining it closely. "It looks like a phone number."

Shinra gasped as he leaned forward, also wanting to look at the numbers, for some reason. It wasn't like he knew whose it was. "Are you going to call it? You should totally call it!"

"Shut up." Shizuo yanked his wrist back as he stared at the numbers, feeling conflicted of the new information. Of course he wanted to call it, but was that a good idea? The guy was such a pest before, it made no sense for Shizuo to search for the man again. Quickly, he thought up of an excuse; he was going to find the man just to chase him down and beat him up. That sounded good enough for Shizuo.

"But—"

"I only saw him for like three seconds," Shizuo explained, exasperated at Shinra's excitement. "Then, he ran off like another coward I know."

"How else are you supposed to get to know him?" Shinra leaned back and placed his chin in his hands as his elbows were propped on the table. "I say you call it. Oh, and let us be there too! We wouldn't want you messing anything up!"

Shizuo looked down at his burger, deciding to eat it as much as he could before something else stopped him. He had been debating about calling the number as soon as he realized what it actually was. The man seemed to be trouble, hence Shizuo's hesitancy, but some part of Shizuo couldn't seem to care. That 'some part' was actually almost Shizuo's mind entirely.

"Shizuo," Kadota called out as he tried catching Shizuo's eyes. "It may not be the smartest thing to do, but I think we should call it."

Shizuo hated his friends for encouraging his temptations.

—

"Well, press the call button already!"

Shizuo glared at Shinra. Currently, the three sat on the floor of Shizuo's apartment, hovering over Shizuo's phone, which laid in his hand, the number dialled in and just waiting to be called.

"Shut up! I am!" he growled as he returned his attention to the phone. "What if it's some prank?"

Shinra sighed, slowly lifting his hand with a mischievous grin on his face. With Shizuo distracted, he quickly pressed the call button and stood up, running a few metres away from Shizuo.

Kadota pressed the speaker button as Shizuo just stared at the phone, still trying to comprehend what just happened. Suddenly, he did. He glared at Shinra, and was about to throw the bed at the man, had it not been for the line connecting.

" _Hello?"_

Shizuo furrowed his eyebrows. Usually, people announced their name when picking up the phone. If he was trying to be private, why give Shizuo his phone number?

"Uh," Shizuo's voice trailed as he dumbly stared at Kadota. Shinra quickly ran over with a paper and a pen and wrote things down. Shizuo squinted at the messy handwriting. "I'm Shizuo. The guy... you drew a— the hell, I'm not saying that!"

If the man on the other end heard him say the last part, he didn't mention it. _"Oh, right!_ _The angry beast._ _"_

"Why did you give me your humber- _humber?"_ he hissed at Shinra.

"Number!"

"Number!" he screamed into the phone. He didn't mean to be so loud, but he was getting angrier at Shinra by the second.

The man was silent for a few moments before laughing. " _I was bored."_

"Bored?" Shizuo repeated slowly. Shinra quickly scribbled something down and Shizuo absentmindedly read it. "If you're so bored, how about a date— wait, what?"

Shizuo dropped the phone, it falling to the floor, as he lunged at Shinra, tackling him to the ground. He whisper-shouted into his face as he shook his shoulders. Kadota listened to the line. It seemed as if the other were dumbstruck, too shocked to say anything. Finally, a small laugh filled the silence from the other line.

_"_ _I'm guessing not many people agree to go on a date with someone like you_ _,"_ he answered. Kadota realized that he thought Shizuo genuinely asked. _"You're pretty naive. You don't know my name or anything, other than the fact that_ _'_ _I piss you off._ _'"_

Kadota glanced at Shizuo and noticed he was too preoccupied. Kadota took the phone and ended the call, opening Shizuo's messages instead.

 _"How bout you tell me your name then?_ _and i'll take you out,"_ he typed. It sounded stupid, but Kadota wasn't too sure what to say in this kind of situation. He didn't think things like this happened too often to people.

Luckily, the guy didn't question why he ended the call.

_"I'll tell you my last name, and if you impress me enough, I'll give you my first. You have to earn it~~"_

_"Sounds fair,"_ Kadota typed back.

 _"Orihara."_ Kadota started at the name and noticed that there were still three bubbles, meaning the guy was still texting. _"I'll_ _see_ _you where we met tomorrow at one."_

_—_

"Is he really so bad looking that you won't even go on _one_ date with him?" Shinra rambled, despite the several bandages wrapped around his face. "I mean, he had to have some sort of attraction that made you call him. What other reason could there be?"

"You mean other than you two?" Shizuo grumbled. "It's not that he wasn't attractive... he actually had a nice face, something one punch could just..." Shizuo's voice trailed as he frowned, thinking of all the bad things that could happen if he went on this date.

His two friends caught on. "Well," Shinra started. "From what you've told us, he seemed to have handled you well."

"He also had these crazy red eyes... They knew nothing but trouble," Shizuo continued, lost in his own world as he recalled every small detail about the guy. He would love to go on the date with the man, especially since he couldn't even remember his last date. No one wanted to date such an abrasive brute like him.

"Maybe that's what you need in your life?" Kadota suggested, his shoulders giving a small shrug. "Maybe you need something out of the ordinary. Somebody you can channel your anger to, somebody who could handle it. Somebody to calm you, you know?"

Shizuo thought about it. It made sense. Shinra must've taken his silence as an agreement as he stood up and skipped to Shizuo's closet.

"This is great!" he cheered, struggling to slide open the door. "Finally, someone can keep you in check! Kadota and I can have a life."

Shinra called over Kadota to try and open the closet. Shizuo just grimaced at Shinra's comment. "Shut up."

"How messy can one person be?" Shinra wondered aloud as Shizuo's closet finally drew open, revealing all the clothes on the floor getting caught at the bottom. "Seriously, this is an issue. You have all these hangers—"

"I said, shut up," Shizuo growled, and Shinra seemed to back off as he sat down in front of the fallen clothes, going through each one of them. "Good thing Kasuka gave you all these nice clothes! Imagine if you had nothing to wear."

"Shizuo," Kadota called out and Shizuo directed his attention to him instead, letting Shinra sort through his shirts. "You should really try putting things back in their place."

Shizuo said nothing, giving a scoff instead as he looked away from them both. He felt ashamed of how messy he was, but he couldn't help it. It was too much work to actually put the clothes through the hanger. Besides, it wasn't even his fault. He got distracted easily, so when he used something, he would forget to put it back in its place. Kadota knew that, but Shinra seemed like pestering Shizuo just for the fun of it.

At the thought of Shinra, he felt himself get worked up. Walking to the window, he pushed it open before pulling out one of his cigarettes.

"Where are your socks! I don't even know what this draw is for!" Shinra complained as he stood by his dresser. "How are you supposed to impress this guy if— Hey! Are you smoking?"

"So what if I am?" Shizuo didn't like Shinra being all up in his business, and he hated him for pointing out all of his bad habits.

"Shinra," Kadota lazily called out, his voice already sounding exasperated. All three of them knew exactly how this conversation was going to go.

"You smoke a pack a day sometimes, that's not very good," Shinra explained, his usual cheery personality dying down a bit. "And this _Orihara_ isn't going to like that."

"So what? He can find someone else to bother then." Shizuo looked out the window, annoyed at Shinra. He knew he was right, he knew he shouldn't smoke so much, but it helped relieve his stress. He didn't expect Shinra to understand, but he just wanted to be left alone.

"Shizuo, this guy saw you for who you are. He saw you throw the gum-ball machine at him. He knows you're strong, and he isn't scared," Shinra explained, his tone less sharp than usual. "This is someone who is willing to deal with you."

With a sigh, Shizuo crushed the cigarette, even though it was nearing its end anyway. Shinra was right; this guy didn't run away from him in fear but because he wanted Shizuo to chase him. There wasn't going to be someone else like that. He had to make this work.

"Fine," he grumbled, flicking the cigarette into the ashtray on the windowsill. "But if you say anything else, I'm throwing you out the window."

"Oh! Another thing we want to speak to you about!" Shinra smiled as he looked at Kadota. "You can tell him. I don't want him to toss me around."

Kadota gave Shinra a look before shaking his head at him. "He knows you're strong, but if you throw things around, we don't think he's going to want to stick around, you know?"

"Huh?" Shizuo stood up, his fists clenching. He didn't get angry at Kadota too often, but seeing him reprimand him like Shinra would make Shizuo lose his temper. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you gotta stop throwing everything," Shinra hid behind Kadota, his head peeking out behind the other's back. "And to stop getting so furious all the time. No one likes angry people."

Shizuo eyebrows furrowed. Shinra just kept contradicting everything he said. "But just a second ago, you told me the reason Orihara was interested was because—"

"I know!" Shinra interrupted. Shizuo took a step towards him, but Shinra only cowered behind Kadota. "You see, your anger and strength intrigued him, but if you're constantly yelling at him, do you think he would want to be with you?"

He hated how right Shinra was. Glancing at Kadota, the latter nodded. So, with an intense glare in Shinra's direction, Shizuo admitted his defeat.

"Fine, but if this guy does something to make me mad, I'm gonna throw a vending machine at him or something.

He could barely hear Kadota's sigh over Shinra's screeching voice.

"What! That's what we're trying to tell you not to do!" Shinra's voice was grating to his ears, but, unfortunately, he just kept speaking. "Just don't hit him directly."

"Shut up. I thought the two of you were gonna help me with this date."

Shinra immediately stood up from his defence area behind Kadota, picking up some shirts he liked from the blond's closet. Shizuo watched them finalize his outfit for his date. It was weird to say that; he hadn't gone on a lot of dates, not many people wanted to, so this felt strange. Besides, he was thinking of every negative possibility. What if this was all a trick? What if this was a joke? It could've been, but he didn't think the guy knew of him. His reactions to Shizuo's strength seemed too genuine to be faked.

"This should work!"

Shizuo looked up to see Shinra holding up a shirt, and some pants were in Kadota's hands. It didn't look fancy or anything too out of the ordinary; just his white dress shirt and some jeans.

"Took you that long to decide on _this?_ " he asked as he stood up, grabbing the clothes and laying them on his bed.

"We had to choose something you wouldn't fuss over," Kadota admitted with a small shrug.

"Whatever," he sighed out as he sat on his bed. "When's this date anyway?"

"Tomorrow afternoon!" Shinra sat beside him, reaching for Shizuo's phone as he opened up his and Orihara's texts. "At the mall. You remember where you met him, right?"

"Afternoon?" he repeated as he shook his head. "Tell him to change the time. You know I barely wake up at that time."

"You have to learn to wake up earlier." Kadota sat on the floor, shaking his head. "Being late all the time will make him think you don't care."

Scoffing, Shizuo kicked out his leg, sending Kadota flying back a metre. "Oops," he said unapologetically. "I'm not _always_ late. Besides, I need time to search the entire building."

"Search the entire building?" Shinra questioned, making a confused face as he laughed. "Why would you do that? That sounds ridiculous."

Kadota seemed to understand the look on Shizuo's face. "You don't remember where you met him."

"What?" Shinra let out a scream and was pushed by Shizuo not a second later. That didn't stop him from scolding Shizuo. "How do you not remember?"

"I was busy chasing you! Of course I wasn't paying attention, idiot," he growled, resisting the urge to knock Shinra out.

"You know, I would be surprised if he stuck around for more than a week," Shinra commented. "I don't think anyone could ever stand you."

"Well, think about it," Kadota spoke to Shizuo, ignoring Shinra's complaints. "We were on the second level, we know that. You ran from Victoria's Secret. It's at a corner, so that means you could've only left one way, right? We just have to know where you stopped."

"It's hopeless. We might as well ask Orihara where I—"

"No!" Shinra hit the back of Shizuo's head before holding his fist with his other hand not a moment later. He cursed under his breath for hurting his hand, but then he was looking back at Shizuo. "No, we aren't going to ask him. That's going to look even worse!"

"So what do you suggest I do, huh?" Shizuo was about to stand up, but Shinra's words caught his attention.

"It's not that hard. Think about it; you threw a gun-ball machine at him. All you have to do is find the place with the missing one," Shinra explained with a smile. "See? You need to think things through. You let your anger get the best of you. Come on, we just talked about this."

"Shut up, Shinra," Shizuo mumbled as he began thinking. It made sense; he could easily find where he and Orihara met, but then what? Shizuo wasn't the kind of person to just sit down and have a conversation with. He thought back to Orihara; he seemed like he took care of himself, so he was probably prissy. The jacket he had been wearing didn't seem cheap either.

He frowned, wanting to be angry and to clench his fists, but he wasn't and he couldn't. Instead, his hands rested in his lap, no strain in them. He wasn't angry, just sad, because he finally found someone who could possibly handle him. Orihara was too perfect; he was rich and definitely spoke to people with a high status. It was evident in the way he spoke and walked, now that Shizuo thought about it.

"There's no point," he whispered, falling back onto his bed as he stared at the ceiling.

"Don't be like that." Kadota must've caught onto what Shizuo was talking about. "You deserve this— You deserve a chance."

"Say Orihara takes this chance," he began. "Say he goes on some dates with me. It's not going to work out. You didn't see him—"

"I don't need to. It doesn't matter what he looked like, you were going to try and find reasons of why this wouldn't work. That's what you do, Shizuo, you're a coward."

Shizuo paused at that. He was a coward. He was always running. Maybe he deserved this, maybe he didn't. Maybe it would work out, maybe it wouldn't. He wanted it to, he really did, but he wouldn't know how it could all turn out if he didn't try.

Smiling, he decided he wouldn't be a coward this time.


	4. The First Date

  
"Frick!"

Shizuo shot out of bed, his phone flying wherever he threw it. He didn't pay any mind to it or the texts he had gotten from Shinra. Instead, he rushed to the bathroom to get dressed. Of course, he had woken up late, and it was now nearing a quarter past one. Not only did he have to find the place he was supposed to meet Orihara, but he had to actually get there. He would find the guy by two, if he were lucky.

He didn't brush his teeth properly, but he focused less on that. His phone started ringing, and for a brief moment, Shizuo hoped it was Orihara's. Checking the caller ID, he realized it was just Kadota. He answered the call as he threw off his shirt and pants, beginning to wear the outfit he and his friends had planned out.

"Hey—"

 _"You didn't wake up,"_ Kadota scolded. Shizuo sighed as he rushed down the stairs and out the door. " _We told you. I can't believe you, Shizuo. You do this every time—"_

"I know, I know." He, luckily, managed to catch the bus that went towards the mall. "I'm a complete idiot, I know, but I really don't have time to discuss it. I think I'm just gonna run there."

" _Wait, what? You're gonna—"_

"Shut up," he growled as he immediately got out of the bus at the next stop, leaving no time to spare as he began to sprint down the streets. "I'm not gonna ruin this."

 _"Shizuo,"_ his voice sounded hesitant at first, but Shizuo knew he would say what he needed to. _"You better not screw this up— really. This is such a great thing to happen, but it's like a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing."_

Shizuo felt his anger die down at his words. "I know."

_"It's half-past one. Find him within the next fifteen minutes."_

Shizuo nodded before realizing Kadota couldn't have seen it. "Yeah, okay."

He heard dial tones and shoved his phone into his pocket, focusing on running instead. Luckily, he was there before he knew it. Panting, he didn't waste time standing around. So, without catching his breath, he rushed into the mall and en route to Victoria's Secret. He didn't want to be anywhere near that godforsaken store, but it was going to be worth it. It had to be.

_But what if it doesn't work out?_

He shoved the thought out of his head. Whatever happened, happened. He had to try though.

Searching the crowd, the blond observed every face. None of them were Orihara. Still, he didn't give up. His best bet was the gum-ball machine and he could only hope they hadn't repaired that just yet.

It seemed like luck was on his side— he found the cluster of gum-ball machines, one so obviously out of place. He let out a sigh of relief, deciding to relax now that he was at their meeting place. His peace was short-lived; looking around, he didn't find any sign of Orihara.

No, this couldn't have been it. He couldn't lose this chance at a peaceful life— a chance to have someone overlook who he was and love him— just because he slept in.

Desperately, he spun in circles, hoping to catch even a glimpse of russet eyes or a sharp smile. It was all futile. He didn't feel angry right away, more disappointed with himself than anything. The rage would've hit moments later, but that wasn't going to happen.

"And a full hour later, he shows."

Shizuo had never spun around quicker. At first, he only stared at Orihara, wondering if his mind was just playing tricks on him, but he dismissed the idea; he always believed what he saw, and what he saw, right now, was Orihara standing a mere two metres away from him.

The raven laughed as he clapped. "Wow, are you really so dumbstruck? You look like you don't even believe I exist."

"You waited." It wasn't a question but more of a reassurance for himself.

Orihara only raised a brow, a questioning look on his face before everything washed away, only amusement dancing on his lips as he smirked. "Well, of course, I did. You promised a date, no?"

Shizuo let himself smile. Across from him was someone who was willing to deal with Shizuo's strength, his anger, and his bad habits. It was like he was made to be with Shizuo.

"Yeah," was all he got out before he realized he was too speechless. "Uh, so the date—"

"Yes, I have something in mind," Orihara interrupted as he began to walk forward, his hand on Shizuo's arm for a moment. Albeit brief, Shizuo never felt such a strong sensation when someone touched him. It was like his skin was alive, trying to break free so it could wrap itself around Orihara's hand to keep him there.

The feeling was gone, Shizuo was aware enough to realize that. He also noticed that Orihara was walking away from him. He ran to catch up.

Walking side by side, Orihara looked at the stores they passed, but he didn't stay quiet. Instead, he fired away with his questions.

"So you can pick up heavy things with ease," he commented. "How come?"

Shizuo didn't want to talk about that, but he didn't want to drive Orihara away. "I don't know. Since I was young, I've just been able to, you know."

"Interesting." Orihara stopped in his tracks, turning towards him. "Do you remember the first time you encountered this... ability."

Shizuo felt himself chuckle as he recalled the memory. "Yeah, it was when my brother stole my pudding. I tried throwing a fridge at him."

"A fridge!" Glancing at Orihara, he didn't find him afraid but intrigued with glinting eyes. "Over stolen pudding. I guess I can conclude you let your anger get the best of you."

"Pudding's great, of course I was upset," the blond defended, although he didn't feel any rage. It was strange, if somebody else said that to him, he would punch them in the face.

"Pudding is gross." Orihara stuck his tongue out in a mock gag. "Extremely sweet. No one actually likes that stuff."

"Hey! I do." He flicked the other's forehead, who immediately winced as he rubbed the sore spot. Shizuo felt guilty, but then Orihara was acting as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't been affected by Shizuo's flick.

"You're like a grown child," Orihara teased, his smile working its way back up to his face. "If you're going to act like one, might as well treat you as one."

"What are you—"

"Shizu-chan, I like that," Orihara laughed out staring at Shizuo for a second before realizing that they had stopped walking long ago. He immediately began again.

Shizuo knew it was a matter of time before he got angry at Orihara. His fists clenched and he tried his hardest not to swing at the man. "You little—"

"Ah, it seems like it's time for lunch." Orihara checked his wrist, not even trying to hide the fact that he didn't have a watch. Shizuo noticed the sly grin before Orihara threw his hands in the air as a shrug. "Well, what do you prefer to eat?"

"I don't know."

"What do you know?" Orihara shook his head and began to speak before Shizuo could comment on it. "How about some sushi? You can tell me how you like fatty tuna."

"Tuna?" Shizuo repeated, and this time, he was the one to grimace. Reaching into his pants' pockets, he pulled out some sweets. "I rather eat candy."

"Ew." Orihara eyed the candy before he looked to Shizuo with a raised brow. "You can't be serious."

"'Course I am," he said with the sweets in his mouth. "If it isn't sweet, I don't eat it."

"Disgusting protozoan," he muttered as he watched Shizuo eat another. "So simple-minded. Do you know how damaging those can be to your health? I bet you eat them obsessively."

He probably did, but he didn't care very much. He was doing just fine. "It's fine. This one time, I spent three weeks worth of paycheques on ice cream and finished them in a day. I seem perfectly healthy."

Orihara looked at him with an appalled look before scoffing, rolling his eyes as he walked towards the food court. "Unbelievable. You may seem fine right now, but just wait a few years."

"Shut up, you— you flea!" Shizuo screamed as he threw the wrappers of the candy in Orihara's direction, but the latter dogged as he wrinkled his nose at the colourful wrappers.

"Flea?" Orihara questioned, not seeming bothered in the slightest. Instead, the curiosity in his eyes was back. "Why 'flea', Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo chose the nickname for a number of reasons—one being because he wanted to annoy the raven. He should've known how that attempt would've gone. It would take more to anger him.

"Because you stick to a subject until you're satisfied," he growled out, following Orihara to the end of the sushi line. He didn't bother looking at the fast-food place's name. "And because you didn't give me your name."

"Smooth. I bet you say that to all the girls you speak to."

Shizuo felt his cheeks heat up as he looked to the side. "I don't speak to many people."

"Shocker."

Shizuo realized that they were now at the front of the line, Orihara already ordering. The blond hadn't even looked at the menu, so as the clerk turned towards Shizuo, he only stared at them before blurting out the first dish he read on the menu over their heads. Only when he looked up did he see the prices. He wanted to pay for the both of them, but he didn't think he could. The price of one item was a week's worth of his paycheque.

"Come on, Shizu-chan."

He took his arm away from Orihara. "But I—"

"I paid for it, it's all good." Orihara smiled, reaching for Shizuo's arm again as he dragged him out of the queue. "You can spend your money on some more sweets."

Shizuo said nothing in response, only watching as Orihara waited for their food. He knew he was making it obvious, but he couldn't seem to look away. It was like he was drawn towards Orihara, as if he knew him all his life.

Then those eyes flickered towards him, practically smiling at him. "Having fun, Shizu-chan?"

"Shut up," he huffed, crossing his arms as he looked away. What kind of first date was this? It seemed like Shizuo was screwing everything up by the second. He was supposed to impress Orihara just to get his first name. How was he supposed to get a second date?

He felt his face fall, his lips drawing downward into a frown. It really just wasn't meant to be. He was supposed to live alone, die alone.

Shizuo noticed Orihara's questioning gaze too late. Before he could assure the latter that he hadn't done anything to truly upset Shizuo, their order was called. Shizuo followed behind, grabbing both of their trays as Orihara led them to an empty table.

Shizuo picked at his food with a grimace. It may have been expensive, but it didn't look very appetizing. Orihara, however, seemed very happy to eat. He didn't understand how and why, but Shizuo figured it was a rich people thing, and Orihara was one of those people.

"Izaya."

Shizuo blinked before he looked up, staring at the man across from him with a confused gaze. "What?"

"My name," he explained slowly, which Shizuo assumed was meant to be condescending, "Is Izaya."

Izaya smiled at Shizuo's perplexed look before he began to eat his food. Shizuo's mind was extremely lost; he thought Izaya would only give him his name if he were impressed? That was when it hit Shizuo. Izaya had been impressed, but then another question arose: _how?_

"Why'd you hide it?" he asked, deciding to try some of the sushi in front of him. "Your name."

"Isn't being mysterious a bit sexy?" Shizuo nearly choked on his sushi. He looked up from his food, baffled, but when he saw Izaya's face suddenly become a little serious, he kept his reaction to a minimum. "Besides, what's   
the point of giving yourself away on the first day?"

Shizuo stayed quiet as he silently chewed. Then, Izaya laughed, but it was a bit different, he noticed; this one was forced, strained, and hadn't been like the amused one from before. It was almost like he sounded disappointed and Shizuo wondered if he was supposed to say something.

"You're unpredictable," Izaya muttered, a smile on his lips, although this one seemed a lot less genuine than the others. "I guess I had been wrong."

"Wrong? About what?" Shizuo questioned. He was desperate to get an answer, but Izaya stayed silent. That made him angry because he wasn't going to let all this be thrown away, especially not if he didn't understand the reasons why.

"It doesn't matter."

"The hell it doesn't!" He slammed his fists against the surface of the table, the contents wobbling as they settled back in place. Shizuo only focused his attention on Izaya because while they may have only known each other for practically day, Shizuo felt as if he had known everything about Izaya.

Izaya scoffed as he packed up his sushi. "Don't be ridiculous—"

"Shut up!" Shizuo growled, and Izaya did, but it wasn't because he was afraid. "I've never been more hopeful to meet someone. I'm not gonna let you think none of this matters. My life depends on this, and yours does too, I think, or else you wouldn't be sitting across from me."

Izaya was frozen before he tried laughing it off, but Shizuo could see that something else was bothering him.

"Again, you're unpredictable," he commented, shaking his head. "Are you really putting so much faith into this one date?"

"Yeah, I am." Shizuo thought back to yesterday when Shinra said something that really stuck to the blond. "I'm not a coward."

Izaya's eyes widened, but they were back to normal in a split second. "Okay."

"Okay." Shizuo watched Izaya for any kind of reaction. He didn't mean to get angry, he didn't mean to have almost thrown the table at the raven, but he couldn't help it when he got furious. Things just became out of his control when he got like that.

"You didn't touch your food." Izaya gestured to his half-empty plate. At this point, it seemed like Izaya was trying to say anything just for the sake of speaking. "Are you not hungry?"

"No." Because honestly, he wasn't. "I just want to get to know you."

"Know me?" Izaya repeated, shaking his head as if it were such a ludicrous thought. "You just found out my name."

"Yeah, and I'll figure everything else out, too," he promised without even realized it. Conversing with the man just felt so natural.

Izaya sighed, standing up as he picked up the packed-up sushi. "You're very stubborn, you know that?"

He did, but at the moment, he didn't realize how stubborn he was being. "Am I?"

"Yes, you are very persistent in wanting to pursue me." Izaya began walking away, and once again, Shizuo followed. "I could be out to kill you."

"No, you couldn't. I would snap your neck in half." It wasn't meant to sound threatening but more of a statement.

"True, but it doesn't explain why you seem so desperate to know me." Izaya looked up at Shizuo, giving him a shrug. "This doesn't seem very romantic to me, you know. It just looks like you're taking a chance at anyone willing to talk to you."

"What'd you say?"

Shizuo knew Izaya was right. This was what that had all been. He just wanted someone in his life to love, and he didn't care who it was. He really was reaching out to everyone that looked his way.

Even so, Izaya was different. Shizuo had gone on dates before, there were a lot of people who didn't know of him, but none of them worked out or felt right. With Izaya, the man who infuriated him every few seconds, it felt like he was meant to banter with him.

"Oh, nothing," Izaya brushed off, his smile saying otherwise. "In all honesty, I didn't expect you to still be here."

Izaya walked towards the mall's entrance, and Shizuo felt his heart beat out of his chest as he watched Izaya walk out. Was this it? Was this really where it all ended? Did Shizuo screw up so bad that their date only lasted a bit over an hour?

Izaya must've noticed his inner turmoil. "I meant, I assumed you would get angry and flip the mall upside down. I've done my research on you, and I found out that it doesn't take much to make you go berserk."

Shizuo felt his face scowl as he let out a snarl. "People just don't mind their own business."

"Oh, I know! Trust me." Izaya's steps came to a halt and he turned around, glancing up at the blond. "I made you angry several times today. Why didn't you throw something at me?"

Shizuo didn't even realize how calm he had been all day. Thinking back, there were many moments where he was so angry. He should've thrown something at the raven, but he didn't. He couldn't bring himself to hurt him too badly.

"You wanted this to work," Izaya explained for him. "In this one hour, I have practically  
figured you out, Shizu-chan."

"Shut up with that nickname," he mumbled lowly, realizing Izaya had gotten close to him, less than a metre away.

"No," he defiantly stated, a smirk working its way up to his lips. "Don't you see? I want you to be angry."

Shizuo had never thought anyone would want him to be the very thing he despised. The ugly beast inside him wasn't meant to be seen, yet here Izaya was, trying to coax it out of him. Shizuo didn't think that it was too crazy; maybe he was hopeful, but Shizuo just wanted to believe that someone was willing to accept him for who he was— to embrace his faults.

He heard a shopper hit the floor and realized Izaya dropped the sushi bag that had been in his hands. He paid no mind as Izaya's face got even closer, merely inches away.

Shizuo hesitantly reached out, his hand tracing the side of Izaya's arm as delicately as he could. Izaya's face was devoid of any teasing and amusement that had been there all day. Now, he looked unsure, which was strange.

Tentatively, he leaned towards Izaya, his lips just hovering above the raven's. This close, he could hear the other's breath hitch, but neither of them moved away.

In a quick moment, Izaya was no longer in front of him. He had spun around with a shaky laugh, running away from the blond. Shizuo could only stare at his retreating figure as he tried to decipher what just happened.

"Hey!" he called after him, his feet sprinting after the man. It had only been an hour, and while Izaya supposedly learnt a lot about him, he learnt a lot about Izaya.

Izaya only laughed, but even that stopped when he tripped over something, falling onto the ground. Shizuo quickly ran over, crouching in front of him. Izaya fell onto his arm, and Shizuo nearly winced at the pain Izaya must be feeling. All of his weight and the impact had gone to his arm.

"Are you okay?" he asked because he couldn't have been hurt. Shizuo couldn't have hurt Izaya. It seemed like Shizuo didn't even have to punch people to harm them. He just had to be around them.

"Of course I am, protozoan." Izaya stood up, touching his right arm with his left. He flinched but acted as if he were fine. "I just stumbled upon a— oh."

Looking around them, they saw nothing. There was no rock or shopper or something for Izaya to have tripped over.

Izaya cleared his throat, giving Shizuo a reassuring grin. "I must've tripped over my own feet."

Izaya wasn't like that. Over the little time that had spent together, he knew Izaya was too careful to 'trip over his own feet.' That didn't sound right, and he knew nothing could've been more wrong. Unfortunately, it didn't seem like he could've argued with Izaya.

"How's your arm?" He reached out and touched Izaya's right arm, but Izaya only flinched again, backing away, his smile unfaltering. "Hey—"

"I'm fine, Shizu-chan! Your worry makes all the pain go away." Izaya backed up, his left hand coming up to wave his lithe fingers. "See you!"

Shizuo didn't chase after him in fear of somehow hurting him again. He only watched the other walk away. His eyes never left Izaya's limp arm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a friendly reminder that black lives still matter. just because the media has stopped covering it and just because people dont post as much about it, doesnt mean justice has been served. the trend has stopped, but that doesnt mean anything. 
> 
> black lives still matter. today, tomorrow, and always <3


	5. Bad Habit #1: Sweets

  
"And then he ran off," Shizuo finished, eyeing both of his friends to gauge out their reactions. Kadota seemed a bit confused, but Shinra's expressions were all over the place. Just as Kadota was going to ask some things that were probably plaguing his mind, Shinra spoke up.

"So that means you guys are going to have a second date, right?" Shinra bounced in his seat, his hands drumming against the armrest of the couch. "I told you, he is perfect for you!"

"I don't freakin' know," Shizuo hissed, randomly reaching out for whatever his hand managed to grab. A lamp was now in his grip, and he threw it at Shinra, who dodged it at the last second.

"So your date," Kadota interrupted, his hand waving in the air, either to get the other two's attention or to express his confusion, "It only lasted an hour?"

"Yeah, so what?"

Shizuo knew why Kadota asked. If it had gone well, Izaya wouldn't have wanted to only spend an hour with Shizuo. Even the blond knew the chances for a second date were low, but their almost-kiss at the end before Izaya fell was giving him some hope.

"Nothing, it's just... did you learn anything about him?" Kadota asked hesitantly, leaning back in his seat out of reflex.

Shizuo glared at him as he opened his mouth to retaliate, but when he began thinking about their date yesterday, he realized there wasn't much he learnt about the raven. Still, he wasn't going to let Kadota think he won. "His first name's Izaya."

"Oh!" Shinra called out, standing up in his seat as he rushed to Shizuo's side. "That's perfect! That means you impressed him, right? Wasn't that the condition?"

Shizuo pushed Shinra away, who fell back against the couch and sat down. "I don't know. I'm just waiting for a text."

"What if he doesn't text you?" Kadota inquired. Shizuo appreciated Kadota, who always took away the shimmer of hope he had. "What if he's the one waiting?"

"He's not." Shizuo immediately shook his head at the assumption. "From what I've seen, he wouldn't be waiting, unless he has some kind of ulterior motive."

As soon as those words left his mouth, Shizuo knew that Izaya was, in fact, waiting. It suddenly all made sense; there had been no text from him, and with the way he seemed, he liked to see the outcome of people's decisions. He wanted Shizuo to text him— or see if he would. That was his ulterior motive; he wanted to see what Shizuo would do. Shizuo briefly wondered if it had anything to do with Izaya's actual feelings about Shizuo.

"Well, would you look at that? Maybe you did learn a thing or two about him— you know, other than his name—"

"I need to text him," Shizuo muttered, not bothering to apologize for interrupting Shinra. He pulled out his phone instead, opening the messages between Izaya and him.

"What?" Kadota scooted over, shifting closer to him as he leaned toward Shizuo's phone to see what he was doing. "Didn't you just say—"

"I know what I said!" He realized Shinra had come closer, too, and immediately pushed his face away. "What do I say?"

"Ask him about a second date, maybe?" Kadota suggested, giving a shrug of his shoulders.

"Yes, do that!" Shinra agreed. "Also, tell him you're going to choose the place this time."

It made sense, and Shizuo knew this would intrigue Izaya more than anything, but he wouldn't text him that just yet. Instead, he typed out a message asking if Izaya wanted to meet him this week— not as a date but more of a _hanging out_ kind of thing. He typed those words exactly.

"Shizuo, what do you think going on dates mean?"

"Izaya was right about you being a protozoan!"

"Shut up!" Shizuo felt his cheeks slightly heat up at his message, but it was already gone. He already sent the text and there was no way to get it back. He just sighed, and the three of them anxiously waited for a text.

Shinra chimed before the phone did.

"Oh my god, he replied—"

Shizuo tuned out his words as he read the text, his eyes skimming the message before he properly read it. It was a short message, but it was one Shizuo wanted to see; Izaya agreed to meet him tomorrow at noon. Hopefully, Shizuo would wake up this time.

—

He did not.

It was a quarter past twelve when he reached their designated meet-up place, which was closer than the mall, luckily; it was some park with a fountain. It could've been worse, he could've come an hour late. At least progress was being made.

He found Izaya on his phone, sitting on the edge of the fountain before he looked up, smirking once Shizuo sat beside him. Only then did Shizuo see that Izaya's right arm was in a sling.

"Your arm," he commented, eyebrows furrowing before he remembered Izaya's fall the other day. It hadn't looked like a bad fall at the time, but he supposed not everybody had the same strength as him.

"I'm glad you noticed," Izaya remarked as he flicked Shizuo's thigh. Shizuo saw the teasing glint in his eyes. "So, this isn't a date?"

The blond felt his face get red at the comment, which only reminded him of his poor choice of words. "Shut up, I meant we could just spend a while talking with each other instead of going somewhere."

"Ah, yes, because that was so clear in your text," he mocked, a small laugh spilling from his lips. Shizuo felt proud when he heard the sound; it was strange, but it really felt like the most beautiful thing he had ever heard. "So, tell me all about the beast under your skin."

That comment made his brow twitch, but he didn't let his anger get the best of him. "It wants to smash your skull to the ground."

"Oh!" Izaya perked up, crossing his legs as his smirk grew wider. "That sounds like fun, but I meant for you to tell me something factual about it, but I suppose its motives and desires are so much more interesting."

Shizuo ignored all the insults, just wanting to have a civil conversation for once. He was tired of talking to Kadota and Shinra all day; he needed someone else in his life.

"I have a job," he said once he racked his brain for anything that seemed intriguing enough to tell someone like Izaya. He noticed Izaya's face and the look he wore, but didn't let him speak. "A lot. I mean, I've had a lot of jobs."

He mentally cursed himself as he thought about what he said and how lame it must've sounded. Still, that seemed to be the right thing to say if Izaya's smirk turning a bit into a smile was anything to go by.

"Why do you go through so many?" the raven asked, the curiosity in his eyes louder than any of Shizuo's angry cries had ever been. It was a bit mesmerizing, but he didn't let himself wander in them.

"I, uh, get angry," he explained, not liking where the conversation was going. He averted his gaze to the side, unable to look at Izaya.

"Oh, so the beast can't handle being calm for just a few hours!"

"Shut it!" 

Shizuo growled, feeling his rage rise considerably. He didn't want to get angry, he didn't want to hurt Izaya, especially since he was already injured. So, to calm him back down, he reached into his pants' pocket and pulled out his cigarettes, but Izaya's hand was over his in less than a second. He only stared at where their skin met, a weird feeling going down his spine. He didn't think it was a bad feeling.

"I would prefer if you didn't smoke." He heard Izaya, but the words weren't all that clear. He knew he was speaking, he knew it would help understand Izaya better, but he was too focused on their hands touching. He couldn't remember the last time someone touched him so gently.

He was brought back to reality when Izaya took his hand away. Shizuo almost reached for it again, but he realized he had to give some kind of response to Izaya's questioning face.

Shizuo put his box sway, knowing that Izaya had said something about that. So much for easing his anger. He supposed it wasn't too bad, he could just find an alternative method. As he put his hand back into his pockets, he found his solution.

He pulled out several sweets, immediately unwrapping one. "Why don't you want me smoking?"

"Well," Izaya started, but he was beginning to look a bit apprehensive and uncomfortable. Shizuo didn't like that, but he supposed there was nothing else he could do. "It's just associated with some things and some people I would rather not remember."

Shizuo decided that if he and Izaya were going to be together, he wouldn't let Izaya be reminded of those things— and people. That made Shizuo a bit furious; he hated how there were some people out there who made Izaya uneasy.

He absentmindedly ate the sweet that was in his hand, completely forgetting about Izaya before he turned his way. He couldn't let his anger show, that would only make him seem weird, especially since the two had only known each other for a few days. He shouldn't be feeling this protective over someone he didn't even know, but he couldn't help it. He just felt like Izaya really was meant to be with him.

"That sucks—"

He was interrupted by a hiss coming out of Izaya's mouth. He paused in everything he was doing, only watching with silent eyes as Izaya grabbed the arm in the sling. From what he could tell, Izaya was hurt, but he was too scared to reach out. He tended to be the cause of other people's pain, not the one to get rid of it.

It was like Izaya fell all over again. Shizuo was reminded by the fact that he didn't even have to touch someone to bring them pain. It didn't matter how protective of Izaya he felt, Shizuo would only ever hurt him.

Nervously, he licked his lips before opening his mouth. "Are you okay?"

Izaya's eyes, which had shut due to the pain, shot open and immediately landed on Shizuo. It seemed like he forgot the blond was there for a moment, but then he was laughing off how hurt he felt, waving his left arm in the air as if to dismiss the past minute.

"Of course, I've never been better," he said smoothly. It was like he practiced speaking in front of a mirror until he perfected his words to sound exactly how he wanted them to. It wasn't right. Izaya shouldn't have to hide how he was feeling, and that fact that he wasn't being honest with Shizuo upset the blond.

"But you—"

"I'm perfectly fine." He stood up fast, his eyes never leaving Shizuo. He probably noticed the concern all over Shizuo's face, but he didn't mention it. "Well, this was great, but I'm going to head home now. I'll text you though. Until then, Shizu-chan!"

Izaya was gone in an instant, but Shizuo stayed where he was. He wondered what suddenly brought up Izaya's pain. It wasn't like the other was putting any pressure on it. It was probably nothing, random surges of pain like that happened, he just wasn't aware of it because it had been so long since he last damaged one of his own bones. The more he thought about, the less sense everything made; Izaya had reacted as if it was something new, as if he hadn't ever experienced pain to that extent.

He stared down at the wrapper in his hand, it wrinkling as he folded it over a few times. He wondered if it had anything to do with it.

—

A few days later, Shizuo and Izaya met again. Shizuo wasn't planning on it, he actually didn't want to see the other since he wanted to figure out what was going on before he confronted him. Unfortunately, as he had been taking a walk, Izaya saw him and decided to walk beside Shizuo.

Shizuo really wasn't in the mood to talk. He hadn't even been speaking to Shinra and Kadota because his thoughts just felt so jumbled together. He wanted to sort out everything, but it seemed like that wasn't going to happen.

"You seem stressed," Izaya commented, his smirk not anywhere on his face. Shizuo appreciated that; he didn't think he could stop himself from getting angry if Izaya provoked him. "Something on your mind?"

"Just a bad feeling." Which wasn't a lie; everything felt off, but he wasn't sure how to fix it. He just knew being with Izaya was the best thing to have ever happened to him, but there was some strangeness to it. He just shook it off, hoping it was just his paranoia. "How's your arm?"

Izaya scoffed as he shook his head. "To be honest, I don't know. The doctors say it's not getting any better, which is really weird. It wasn't even that bad— wasn't fractured or anything, but now, it's like the bones are becoming more fragile and broken."

Shizuo's brows furrowed as he stopped walking, staring at Izaya more intently. "Izaya—"

"It's nothing though, really. I didn't mean to ramble on," Izaya laughed out, and Shizuo could see the nervousness behind his smile. He really hadn't meant to say all that. Shizuo didn't know if he should've been happy that he opened up or take it as another sign that something was terribly wrong.

"Hey, Izaya," he called out a moment after he began his walk again, Izaya right beside him. "Keep me updated."

Izaya only raised his brow, choosing to stand in front of Shizuo, which made the blond stop abruptly so he didn't topple over the other. The two stared at each other, Izaya's eyes searching his for something, analyzing his face. Shizuo let him, thinking Izaya found it weird an almost-complete stranger was concerned about him.

A couple moments later, Izaya sighed, taking a few steps backwards. "I would, but I don't need beasts to try and beat me up when I'm all better."

"Don't call me that," he hissed, almost shoving the raven's bad shoulder. He was lucky he stopped himself just in time.

"Well, then what should I call you, Shizu-chan?" he teased after turning around to walk the right way. Shizuo couldn't see his face, but he could practically hear his smirk.

"Don't call me that either."

As they continued to banter, Shizuo thought about Izaya's arm. He wasn't too sure what was wrong exactly, but he felt as if it were somehow his fault. _It probably was._ He thought back to everything and then the candy wrapper made its way to his mind. It couldn't have had anything to do with that, could it? It was ridiculous to think about, but the more he thought about how Izaya's arm immediately began to hurt right after Shizuo ate the sweet, the idea suddenly wasn't as ludicrous.

Even if that wasn't it, even if it really was just an illogical thought, he made a vow in his head to stop eating sweets. Until all this got sorted out, until he found out what was really happening, he would rather not risk it. As soon as he got home, he would throw out every single sweet he owned, every candy. Anything that had any sugar in it, he would throw out.

It wasn't a sane idea, or logical in any way, but it was a start.

—

He met with Shinra and Kadota an hour after he got home. It was more of them showing up announced, coming in without being invited. Apparently, the both of them had caught sight of Shizuo speaking to someone unfamiliar, so they concluded that it had to be Izaya. At the moment, they were angry at Shizuo since he didn't tell them that he was going to meet up with a certain someone.

"I told you," Shizuo hissed out for what was probably the hundredth time. "I didn't _plan_ to see him. He saw _me_ and ran up to _me._ "

"Come on, Shizuo!" Shinra whined, glancing at Kadota to back him up. "Just tell us the next time you go and see him. That's all we're asking!"

"Shinra, I swear, if you don't—"

"Anyway, what did you two talk about?" Kadota asked, ignoring the two's bickering. "Must've been something interesting."

Shizuo shrugged, wondering how much he should tell his friends. "Not really. He told me 'bout his arm, I told him to let me know when it gets better. We mostly just argued, but it wasn't so bad, you know?"

He decided not to tell them about his most recent assumption. If he told them that Izaya's pain got worse because he ate a sweet, they would think he finally lost it. It was better not to tell them, not until he got a better hypothesis anyway, and if he was going to make a wild statement like that, he was going to need some evidence, which didn't seem like it would be easy...or ideal. He didn't want to put Izaya in pain on purpose, but he couldn't think of another way to prove it to his friends.

"What!" Shinra screamed, and Shizuo wished he could punch the other's mouth to make him quiet. "That is terrible. You're supposed to be getting to know him, not fight him!"

"And I am," he growled out, hating how Shinra was acting as if this would all be easy. Shizuo wasn't the best guy to talk to and he really wasn't interesting. He was aware of that, which was worse because he couldn't find a way to be more likeable. "It's not that easy."

"Did you at least kiss him?"

"What? Of course not!"

"How else are you supposed to woo him?"

"Shinra, I swear, if you don't—"

Shinra then gasped, hitting the arm of the couch as his eyes flickered between Kadota and Shizuo. His excitement was lost on the two. "I just got an amazing idea! We should—"

"No," Shizuo disagreed immediately, knowing that whatever was going to come out of his supposed friend's mouth was complete and utter bull.

"—have a hotpot and invite Izaya!" Shinra finished, not letting Shizuo's rejection stop him. "That way, we can meet him, see what he's like. Once we have an idea, we can help you talk with him!"

Shizuo knew it was going to be a terrible idea.

"That's just an excuse to meet him!" Shizuo argued. "We all know you're gonna scare him off as soon as he steps into the room."

"If you haven't scared him off yet, there's not much I can do." Shinra looked smug before he averted his attention to Kadota, asking what he thought about all this.

Kadota looked apologetic. "It actually does kind of sound smart."

Shizuo was going to scream until he managed to get it through their thick skulls, but he decided to take a minute to really think about it. He knew he didn't know how to speak to people, which meant he could bore Izaya away. If Shinra and Kadota really were able to help him figure out a way to be a more interesting person to talk to and date, that would be fantastic. Without their help, Izaya was likely to walk away from all this, not deeming Shizuo worth the trouble. Izaya was able to, too; Shizuo couldn't. So, if there was any chance in keeping Izaya around, someone Shizuo could really be himself around, he would take that chance.

A little less reluctantly, he nodded his head, glaring at Shinra when he began to cheer.


	6. The Hotpot

  
Izaya had asked to meet him again. At first, Shizuo wasn't sure if he should. He wanted to consult with Shinra and Kadota and ask for some tips, but then he decided it would be better not to tell them of this meeting; they would only pester him and make him late. Luckily, though, Izaya must've noticed how late he always was, since he asked to meet at three in the afternoon. It was unfortunate that he was still half an hour late.

"Are you always late on purpose? I understand the motive, but you should know, I don't like wasting my time," Izaya explained as Shizuo sat beside him on the fountain. Shizuo liked how he and Izaya already had a spot together.

"Shut up," he absentmindedly mumbled, too focused on Izaya's arm. It wasn't in a sling anymore, which was strange. Just half a week ago when he last saw him, Izaya told him that his bones were practically broken.

Izaya noticed his gaze and stretched out his arm, flexing his fingers with a smile. "It was like a miracle, the doctors say. It healed so quickly— the day after we last met. It was like nothing had ever been wrong."

"Oh," Shizuo's voice trailed, his eyes still stuck on the outreached arm.

"Strange, isn't it?" Izaya flicked Shizuo's forehead, which snapped Shizuo out of his daze. "Doctors say it takes almost years for the bone to completely heal, sometimes months. They're beginning to question if I had ever even injured it since it healed in less than a few days."

"Yeah, that's strange," he commented as his mind began to wander again. He thought about the quick healing process. It really did seem almost impossible or highly unlikely. Of course, he was happy Izaya wasn't injured anymore, but it was odd. He thought back to the sweets, concluding that it had to have some kind of role in all of this. It couldn't have been a coincidence that as soon as he threw out all his candy, Izaya was better.

Izaya hummed, his eyes still on Shizuo with a questioning look. "Are you sure you're all right? I get that you only have a handful of brain cells, but this isn't that hard to comprehend."

"I'm fine," he repeated, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that something was terribly wrong. When he ate the sweet, Izaya's pain intensified. When he threw all of them away, Izaya was okay.

"Okay, well," Izaya started, looking a bit unsure, but continuing on anyway. "Since you seem like you don't want to talk, I'll just speak for the both of us. I asked about your occupation a while back, so let me tell you about my job—"

_"My job is to damn those who sin."_

Shizuo's eyes widened as he recalled the dream— memory he had a few nights back. The witch, she had to have had done something. He tried really hard to think back to her words and to remember their conversation.

_"It seems like there's a lack of something in your life an emotion. I'll give it to you— I'll give you something that will keep you in line, but will also make you as miserable as you've made everyone altogether._

An emotion. He wondered what it was he was missing— patience, but that wasn't really an emotion, was it?

_"Each time you do a bad habit, they will be harmed, and you would have to break that habit to make them better. However, each time you do break one, they will hurt but won't be injured in any way."_

That was it, wasn't it? That was what was happening to him and Izaya. He ate a sweet, his bad habit, and Izaya broke his arm— or rather, his pain intensified. When he threw out all his sweets, essentially breaking the habit, Izaya was healed. It made sense. The only thing he had to wait for now was the hurt Izaya will experience since Shizuo broke his habit. He didn't understand how Izaya would be hurt without being injured, but he hoped it wasn't too bad.

This was all ridiculous. It couldn't have been right. It couldn't have been this. Izaya wasn't his curse, was he?

"Izaya," he interrupted with a soft voice that was on the brink of cracking. Izaya paused his talking, looking at the blond with a turn of his head. "How old are you?"

Izaya gave him a look. "Shizu-chan, don't you know that it's rude to ask about—"

"Just freakin' tell me," he growled out, unable to keep the fear out of his voice. He hoped it was masked by his anger.

Izaya was unfazed by his shout of anger as he smiled, giving a small, playful shrug. . "I'm forever twenty-one."

Shizuo cursed as he looked away, not wanting to look at Izaya anymore. He was four when that woman talked to him and it had been twenty-one years since that day, his journal proved that. Everything lined up— Izaya was born the day that witch spoke to him. He was born to curse Shizuo.

It wasn't fair, Shizuo thought. He had finally found someone that was willing to get to know him, who was willing to be romantically involved with him, but none of it was real. He couldn't be with Izaya for a number of reasons; one being because Izaya didn't deserve this. Sure, he was annoying, he seemed like a guy with some terrible faults. Shizuo had some, too; that was the problem. Shizuo couldn't let Izaya be with him, that wouldn't be choosing his own faith. Izaya deserved better than the pain Shizuo's bad habits would bring him.

He gave a glance back at the questioning raven, a guilt settling in his heart. He didn't want to leave him, he was actually starting to enjoy being in the same room as Izaya, but he had no other choice. He had to leave him.

"You really don't seem fine. If you want to go home, go ahead. We'll just speak some other time," Izaya convinced, and Shizuo hated how concerned he sounded.

He felt guilty for suddenly leaving Izaya. He remembered Shinra's suggestion for a hotpot and decided to invite Izaya. He would speak with him one last time, he would get to know Izaya a little bit more. Then, he would stop all this.

"Hotpot," he blurted out before he could stop himself. He hesitantly looked at Izaya, who looked surprised at his outburst. "I mean, my friends and I are having a hotpot party. You should come."

Izaya's cheeks heated up, his eyes brightening the slightest bit. He was beautiful with the way he got so happy; Shizuo thought it was cute. With each minute he spent with Izaya, it only got harder to leave him. He didn't want to think about the look on Izaya's face when Shizuo stopped replying to his texts and began to ignore his calls.

"Okay," Izaya agreed, standing up. "Text me the details, and I'll be there!"

Izaya was gone in a second and Shizuo's eyes drifted to the ground, a frown on his lips.

_"This punishment will make you regret everything you have ever done. Just remember this: There's no stopping it and it's all your fault."_

He was going to stop this damned curse. He wasn't going to let his stupid habits be another person's downfall.

—

Shizuo made a mistake.

As soon as he got home, he didn't ask Shinra when they were going to have the hotpot and he didn't tell him that Izaya agreed. Instead, Shizuo texted Izaya, telling him the hotpot was tomorrow at seven. He didn't even think about texting Shinra.

Now, it was the next afternoon, and he, Kadota, and Shinra were frantically running about, trying to get everything ready. They decided to have the gathering in Shizuo's home since it would give Izaya a better idea of who Shizuo was. He wasn't the slightest bit ready for it though; he was missing ingredients, his house needed to be cleaned, they had to begin making the food— it was all a mess.

"What were you thinking?" Shinra exclaimed as he took the shopping bags from Kadota, who had just returned from the grocery store. "This was supposed to be a first impression. This isn't going to look good for any of us!"

"I said I was sorry," Shizuo barked, his hand on the washcloth tightening. He had been assigned to clean the mirrors and tables, since he couldn't break much with those tasks, or so Shinra said. 

"Yes, because that gives us more than," Shinra paused, eyeing the clock before his eyes widened, rushing to the kitchen, "Four hours!"

Shizuo sighed as he sat back for a moment, placing the washcloth down. He reached for his pocket, pulling out a cigarette and a lighter. He ignored Shinra's protests and complaints, taking a drag instead. He heard Kadota and Shinra speaking in the kitchen, pulling out pots and pans so they could start making everything.

Shizuo wasn't too sure why he called Izaya so soon. He had an idea though, thinking he just wanted to get it over with. The longer he waited, the more he would begin to doubt himself and his decision to leave Izaya. It's not like they were actually together, so it didn't count as breaking up with him. Yet, it only felt ten times worse.

He didn't tell Shinra or Kadota about what he recently discovered. It would be pointless to tell them about the curse when he was going to break it so soon. Besides, he knew exactly what they would say. All Shizuo needed was one person to tell him to fight back against the curse and he would. He couldn't afford that, Izaya would only be miserable.

"What are you doing? Shinra exclaimed, rushing into the room. "Finish cleaning so you can help out. Remember that you were the one who couldn't keep it in his pants!"

Shinra rushed out after that, and Shizuo would've thrown his couch at him— he was very tempted to— but that would only mean there would be more to clean.

Finally, they were done cooking and cleaning, and just on time. Shizuo left to wear something more decent. The doorbell rang as he was changing. Quickly, he threw on his shirt and rushed out of his bedroom and into the living room, seeing Izaya stand there with a bottle of alcohol.

Shinra had answered the door, and from the looks of it, it seemed like the two had begun talking as soon as the doorbell rang. Shizuo could only rush forward, making sure Shinra didn't say anything too bad.

"Izaya," Shizuo greeted, pulling Shinra way by the back of his shirt. "You made it."

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it for anything." Shizuo stepped aside to let him in. "Shinra seems like a great person."

"No, he isn't."

"Hey!"

"He's interesting," Izaya commented, taking off his shoes before he sat down on the couch. Kadota walked in and glanced at Izaya, looking a bit confused at first, but Izaya only gave a smile. "And you're Kadota, yes?"

Kadota nodded his head, sitting on the one-seat couch to the side of Izaya. Shinra took a seat right beside Izaya, immediately going off about something. Shizuo wanted to sit down too, he wanted to talk to Izaya and forget about the curse, but he would only make this harder for the both of them, so he excused himself to the kitchen, ignoring Izaya's questioning eyes.

Shizuo didn't go back to the living room for a while. Instead, he watched them talk from the kitchen, making sure to stay hidden. Izaya kept smiling, and Shizuo could see how natural it was. He wasn't forcing it, he was genuinely having a good time, making jokes and laughing whenever Kadota or Shinra said something funny. He couldn't hear what they were talking about, but Shizuo could only hope it wasn't about him.

Shizuo eyed the bottle of alcohol Izaya had brought in. It was sitting on the kitchen counter, untouched. He was very tempted to down the entire bottle so his nerves would calm down, but he knew something would go wrong. He opted for water instead before he headed back to the others.

"He really did that?"

When Shizuo heard Izaya's surprised voice, he only ran to the couch, sitting beside Shinra. He wanted to take a seat next to Izaya, but the latter was sitting in the corner and Shinra was already next to him. He just had to deal with it.

When he looked at Izaya's face, he found the other smirking. "So, I heard you nearly collapsed your school's building."

Shizuo's first reaction was to hit Shinra, so he tried punching his head, but Shinra only moved at the last second. He turned his head to Izaya, a glare on his face. "It was Shinra's fault. He made me spill my lunch."

Izaya raised a brow at him, his face showing how amused he was. "Ah, yes, because he was the one to throw a vending machine at three pillars."

"Shut up," Shizuo growled, but before Izaya could retort anything, Shinra had grabbed his attention and begun to ramble on about something. Izaya was speaking to him just as enthusiastically, his smile widening the more they talked. Shizuo couldn't help but feel a little jealous of Shinra and how easy he was able to speak with Izaya. It wasn't fair, he and Izaya might not be able to be together, but Shinra and Izaya could remain friends without consequence.

"We'll set up the food," Kadota suddenly announced, standing up as he gestured Shizuo to follow after him. Shizuo stood up, and as he did, he made sure to kick Shinra's leg in the process. The glasses-wearing freak yelped, but Shizuo was already in the kitchen.

"You don't have to be so jealous, you know," Kadota commented in a quiet voice, as he took out some plates. Shizuo realized he was probably going to put the food in for everyone so a certain pair's talk wouldn't be disturbed. How thoughtful of Kadota.

"I'm not."

"You're really transparent." Kadota shook his head at him, a reassuring smile on his face. "Shinra's not going to end up dating him. He's obsessed with Celty, remember?"

"I'm not worried 'bout that," he admitted, and even though he was telling the truth, Kadota didn't seem to believe him. He gave Shizuo a flat look.

"If anything, they just seem to be getting along really well. I think they'll be good friends, but that's really it." Kadota grabbed two plates in his hands, making his way out of the kitchen before calling out and saying, "Can you get the glasses and the drinks?"

Shizuo grumbled as he did so, thinking back to their conversation. Yes, he was jealous. He liked Izaya a lot, even though he was an insufferable flea. He thought he finally had a chance of a happy ending, a chance to be with someone who could love him. All of that was being taken away, but hey, at least Shinra had a new buddy.

Shizuo walked into the room, holding four glasses and two bottles—one that Izaya had brought and one that Kadota had randomly added to his cart when he'd gone out.

He found Izaya laughing really hard, leaning forward and using Shinra's arm as support to keep himself from falling onto the floor. Shizuo scowled immediately, stepping forward.

Why hadn't he ever made Izaya laugh like that? He barely ever got him to smile. He wanted Izaya to be happy around him. It wasn't fair that Shinra was able to do what Shizuo had been trying to accomplish since the first day, and Shinra had only known him for a few hours!

He didn't mean to drop one of the bottles onto the carpet, but at least it was better than smashing it against Shinra's head. He curtly apologized before placing the glasses and the other bottle onto the table. Kadota was already brooming up the pieces.

Shinra and Izaya didn't let that stop them from their conversation. They just pulled up their legs and continued on. Shizuo sat on the far end of the couch, feeling Kadota's concerned eyes on him. He and Kadota were done their food in minutes; Shizuo ate quickly out of anger, and Kadota because he needed to keep an eye on Shizuo. Shinra and Izaya's plates were nowhere near empty with all their chattering.

He noticed Izaya sending subtle glances his way. Shizuo ignored them at first, only drinking as he pointedly kept his gaze away from the two. As time passed, they weren't so subtle anymore; he would look at Shiuzo for moments before averting his attention back to Shinra.

Shizuo stared ahead blankly, his eyes on the wall. He didn't want to talk to anyone except for Izaya, but he also didn't want Shinra in the same room as them. He eavesdropped on their conversation. Technically, it wasn't eavesdropping; they were meant to be speaking as a group.

"There's no point in proposing every day if she keeps rejecting you. It's not as special then," he heard Izaya explain. It seemed like the two were speaking about Shinra and Celty's situation. Shinra's advances never worked, and Shizuo sarcastically wondered why.

"As if she'd ever say yes," Shizuo muttered, not bothering to keep his anger out of his voice. Izaya looked surprised for a moment, as if he didn't think Shizuo would say anything.

"If she doesn't have a restraining order and is still living with you, I think you have a chance," Izaya reassured, a smirk on his lips. "Don't take Shizu-chan's words to heart. He's just upset." 

Shizuo scoffed at that. "What the hell are you trying to say?"

Izaya gave him a look, as if trying to silently tell him that they both knew the answer to his question. Shizuo only glared at him, his arms crossed over his chest. He didn't know why he was so upset; after all, he was the one who would be leaving Izaya behind.

"Well, I have to go to the bathroom. Mind showing me where it is?" Izaya asked Shinra, getting out of his seat and following Shinra. Shizuo nearly stood up, grabbed Izaya's arm, and dragged him there himself. Luckily, he had some self-control.

As soon as the two were out of sight, Kadota gave him a look of disbelief. "Dude, we just talked about this."

"I didn't do anything!" he defended, but he knew it was a lie.

"Why are you so out to get me?" Shinra questioned in a hushed whisper once he returned. "You know I'm not trying to steal him or anything, right?"

"Can't you guys just leave?" Shizuo abruptly shouted, narrowing his eyes at Shinra. "I haven't talked to him at all today."

"And whose fault is that?" Shinra sat beside him, a knowing look in his eyes. "I thought the point of this party was so Kadota and I could get to know him a little bit. That didn't mean you had to stay silent. We all noticed the way he kept looking at you. He was waiting for you to talk to him! Wasn't that obvious?"

Shizuo looked away, mumbling curses under his breath. He should've known that his glances really did mean something.

As he was wallowing in self-pity, Kadota spoke up. "There's another reason, isn't there?"

"No the hell there isn't!" Shizuo roared, standing up in his fit of anger. All of a sudden, it was like his energy just left him. He felt tired and exhausted. He shut his downcast eyes. "I just can't be with him."

Shinra and Kadota's jaws dropped, and he understood why. He would be just as surprised. Luckily though, neither of them could yell at him for his decision or try and convince him otherwise. Izaya was back in the room, stopping abruptly as he noticed the tension in the air.

Shinra stood up, walking to the front door with a smile, acting as if nothing happened, Kadota following behind him. "It was great meeting you, Izaya, but we should probably head home now. My beloved Celty's waiting for me!"

"Of course, see you," Izaya bid, waving his lithe fingers.

They were gone in less than a second. Izaya looked up at Shizuo with a smile, walking up to him until he was barely half a metre away from the blond. Shizuo's breath hitched as he stared into the russet eyes; they shined in a way Shizuo had never seen in anyone else. He didn't want to leave him.

He didn't know why he felt so strongly about Izaya. It had been only a few days, but he assumed the curse had somehow intensified his feelings for Izaya.

Izaya took another step forward, looking up at Shizuo expectantly. It was obvious what he wanted—so obvious, Shizuo couldn't just ignore it. He wanted to kiss Izaya, he really did, but that would be cruel, especially if he were going to suddenly ghost him.

Still, his smile was too alluring for him to back away. His arm slid around the raven's waist, and he could've sworn it fit perfectly there. One of Izaya's hand lightly touched his neck, and Shizuo felt him go on the tip of his toes. Shizuo himself leaned down, deciding that one kiss wouldn't be so bad. It could be his parting gift, something for Izaya to remember him by.

Just as they were about to kiss, one of their phones rang. Shizuo jumped back, his arm sinking to his side as he watched Izaya dig through his pocket, pulling out a phone Shizuo thought looked overpriced.

At first, Shizuo thought he got a call, but Izaya was scrolling through some things, and he figured the ringing was actually for some texts. Shizuo watched him read every message, Izaya's face becoming more and more confused by the second. By the time he was done, he looked up at Shizuo, a surprised look in his eyes.

"My neighbour texted," he explained slowly. "Apparently, my building burnt down."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my poor baby... at least he got the hotpot hes always wanted
> 
> **i have a note for my other story, bad enough for you. i love coffee shop settings but theres a book on here that really inspired me to have shizuo work at a coffee shop. i dont know how i forgot to mention it, im just an idiot like that, but the books called "carmine coffee". its amazing in every way and one of my absolute favourites <3 i recommend it


	7. Newton's Third Law: An Equal, Opposite Reaction

  
Izaya was way ahead of him. Shizuo tried keeping up, which wasn't very hard; Izaya may have been quicker, but Shizuo had longer legs. The walk to Izaya's apartment reminded him of the time they met.

As they rushed to Izaya's address, Shizuo tried figuring all this out. It couldn't have just been a coincidence that Izaya's building burnt down. He figured it had something to do with his stupid curse, but he couldn't really think straight at the moment; not with the look of worry on Izaya's face.

Izaya had tried to hide it. He smirked as he told Shizuo the news, walked out of Shizuo's place without saying goodbye. Shizuo, naturally, followed. Even though he couldn't see his face, Shizuo knew Izaya was having some trouble figuring everything out; with every passing moment, his steps quickened. Not only that, but at the beginning of their walk, Izaya had turned around to see Shizuo, probably just to confirm that the sounds of the footsteps weren't just his imagination. When Izaya showed Shizuo his face, Shizuo could see everything that was wrong; it was plainly obvious to see, but he didn't dare point it out.

They got there soon enough. Shizuo wasn't too sure what to do, so for now, all he did was watch Izaya stare at the building. Not all of it had burnt down, but just the top couple of floors, which Shizuo assumed was where Izaya lived.

"Izaya!"

He saw a woman run up to Izaya and the two immediately began talking. Shizuo hung back, trying to sort some of this out. This had to be the damn witch's fault. She was the reason Izaya got hurt, she was the reasons he was suffering—"

_"Just remember this: there's no stopping it and it's all your fault."_

Shizuo refused to take the blame. So what if he had a bad temper as a child? He hadn't killed anyone, he had only put kids in the hospital. He didn't do anything so bad that someone like Izaya had to suffer.

"So apparently," Shizuo snapped out of his thoughts to see Izaya walking towards him, "They have absolutely no idea how the fire started, but they're assuming it came from my room. Luckily, I didn't have too much in there, but now I don't have a place to stay."

Shizuo didn't hesitate. "You can stay with me."

For a moment, Shizuo regretted his words. Looking at the building, it was obvious Izaya was rich— or had a lot of money. He couldn't possibly survive living in Shizuo's home.

He was expecting a loud, boisterous laugh, not the contemplative look Izaya had as he actually considered the idea. Shizuo got excited for a moment at the possibility of Izaya living with him.

No, he stopped himself from thinking terribly. He had known Izaya for about a week and barely knew him. He shouldn't care so much for Izaya, but he did. That didn't mean he should act as if they've both known each other for years. For all he knew, Izaya didn't even like him half as much as Shizuo did.

"While your offer is generous and much appreciated," Izaya began, a small smile on his lips before it fell. It was as if he couldn't even pretend like the situation wasn't affecting him. "I'm going to have to decline. I'll probably just stay at a hotel for a few days while I find another place. I needed to move out anyway."

Even though Shizuo had expected him to say no, he couldn't help feel disappointed. The small, shimmer of hope of Izaya trusting and liking him enough to live with him shattered in an instant. He understood, but that didn't make him feel any better.

"Let me at least walk you to a hotel," Shizuo suggested, not wanting the night to end just yet. It had been such a bad day; first, he dealt with Shinra and his complaints in the morning, then he had to deal with Shinra being extremely cozy with Izaya, and now this. Not only that, but this interrupted Izaya and his almost-kiss. He was about to kiss Izaya, something he had tried not to daydream too hard about it since he knew he would crave for it for every second of the day. Now that his mind got an idea of what kissing him could be like, he didn't want to let the idea go.

Izaya said nothing, nodding his head instead. He walked forward, Shizuo following but this time, he forced himself to remain by Izaya's side and to not fall behind.

From the looks of it, Izaya had already decided upon a hotel. Izaya briefly told him that it wasn't too far, but if Shizuo was being honest, he wasn't focusing too much on Izaya's words. Instead, he kept his eyes ahead because he knew if he even glanced at Izaya, he wouldn't look away. Either that, or he would embrace the man and try to whisk his worries away. Neither option sounded good in the long run.

When they finally got to the hotel, Izaya turned to him and Shizuo had no other choice but to look at Izaya. He thought Izaya looked beautiful in the night, but he couldn't exactly say that aloud; not only would it be bad timing, but it wasn't something he needed to hear at the moment.

Shizuo's eyes fell to Izaya's lips before they jolted back to his eyes. He didn't mean to drop his gaze, but it was very tempting. He stood in place, waiting for Izaya to say or do something.

He thought he got lucky when Izaya stepped forward. However, he didn't reach up for Shizuo's face or wrap his arms around Shziuo's neck. Instead, he could see Izaya's hand reach for his. Izaya didn't say anything, but he held on to Shizuo's hand. Izaya took a step back, his fingers sliding from Shizuo's palm to the tips of his fingers. Shizuo wanted to hold Izaya's hand and never let go because he couldn't stand the thought of him getting hurt again, especially because of Shizuo, but he let Izaya's grip on him loosen until there was nothing. Shizuo's hand had never felt so cold before.

Izaya didn't kiss him. He didn't give Shizuo a hug or parting words. Instead, he gave Shizuo a smile, which was a lot more than the blond was expecting, and left, leaving Shizuo to just watch him head into the building.

Eventually, Shizuo began his walk home. He wasn't too sure how long he spent standing in front of Izaya's hotel, but he didn't really care. He knew there wasn't exactly a person after Izaya, but he couldn't help but feel protective.

He sighed, hands in his pants' pockets, as he kicked a rock to the side. Now that he knew Izaya was safe, he began to pick up where he left off with his train of thoughts.

It couldn't be a coincidence, he already established that. It was related to the curse. It was related to his eating sweets habit and Izaya's broken arm.

_"Each time you do a bad habit, they will be harmed, and you would have to break that habit to make them better. However, each time you do break one, they will hurt but won't be injured in any way."_

Was this what that witch meant? Shizuo ate sweets, Izaya broke his arm. He broke his habit, Izaya's house burnt down. Like the witch said, Izaya wasn't directly injured with this, but he was still hurt. He supposed it made sense, and unfortunately, he knew this was just the beginning. He would have a lot of time to properly decipher all of her words.

Suddenly, he remembered that he was supposed to be leaving Izaya. At the moment, it didn't feel right, not with his house burning down. It would be too many bad things at once for him. It seemed like he really couldn't escape this, just like the witch had warned.

Leaving Izaya wasn't going to work. Staying with Izaya wasn't going to work. There really was nothing he could do.

With a sigh, he walked home feeling hopeless. Al he could really do was vow to never eat another sweet. He promised himself he wouldn't— never again.

—

Izaya called him a few times. It had been days since he had last spoken to Izaya, but Shizuo couldn't bring himself to talk to him again, not after knowing his suffering was all because of Shizuo. He didn't even mean to ignore him at first, but eventually, he realized what he was doing.

He already planned on not leaving Izaya for now, but he couldn't answer his calls. He would pick up one day, but not today.

There were knocks on his door, so he got up to check them. Of course, as soon as he unlocked the door, Shinra and Kadota rushed in, immediately sitting down onto his couch uninvited.

"What are you two doing here?" he grumbled, crossing his arms as he stood in front of them.

"Because we know what you've been doing." Kadota kept his voice low, probably to keep from setting Shizuo off. "You can't just keep avoiding things."

"And you can't keep showing up here without me inviting you," he retorted.

"You have to call him back, Shizuo," Shinra practically nagged, his voice as whiny as always. Shizuo wondered why they were still friends. "You—"

"Wait," Shizuo shouted suddenly, interrupting Shinra from whatever nonsense he was going to say. "I didn't tell you I wasn't speaking to Izaya."

Shinra nervously laughed, throwing his hand into the air as if it would cause some kind of distraction. It wasn't working. "Well, you see, at the party, he and I—"

"Just spit it out!"

"We exchanged phone numbers," Shinra rushed out, shutting his eyes as he held up his arms in front of his face defensively. "Not in the way that you think! It was fun to talk to him _as a friend,_ and besides, this is good! If he's friends with me, it would make it harder to avoid you!"

Shizuo sighed as he sat down, staring up at the ceiling. He still didn't tell either of them of the curse, he didn't know if he should— more like, he didn't know how to tell them. Even he wouldn't have believed himself if it hadn't been for his journal entries.

"Fine," he finally got out. "I'll call him back."

"Great!" Shinra cheered, looking around his apartment before sharing a look with Kadota. "Shizuo, we just cleaned your house less than a week ago!"

"Shut it!" It was easier to tell him to be quiet than to admit he had a problem with being organized. "I just forget to put things back."

"But your laundry's in the middle of the living room," Kadota commented, standing up beside Shinra. "You should call him over, but only after we clean your apartment... again."

"Yeah, it seems you like torturing us every chance you get!"

He ignored Shinra's last remark, but only because he needed to see Izaya, needed to make sure he was okay. So, he agreed instead, and the three of them began to clean the mess Shizuo had made of his apartment.

Finally, after what seemed like years, his apartment was as clean as it was going to get. Glancing at the clock, he realized it was already six in the evening, meaning they spent almost  
four hours cleaning. Shizuo wondered how he was able to create such a big mess so quickly.

"Wonderful!" Shinra spun in circles as he eyed the clean corners. "Your apartment is no longer disgusting!"

"You should call him before it gets too late," Kadota suggested as he grabbed Shinra's arm and dragged him off to one of the rooms at the back of the apartment.

"But don't we need to monitor him? You know, to make sure he—"

Shinra's voice got quieter until it was eventually nothing. Shizuo stared at his phone, Izaya's contact open and ready to be called.

Without a second thought, he pressed the call button and held the phone to his ear, clearing his mind of any thoughts so he didn't have any doubts or ideas about hanging up.

_"Shizu-chan, so you aren't ignoring me."_

Shizuo couldn't lie, he had missed Izaya's voice, which wasn't a good thing; he couldn't like Izaya, it would only make this curse— this entire situation ten times worse.

"You wanna come over?" he asked in a quiet voice, not wanting his friends to overhear him. He didn't need them to embarrass or tease him. "Just for a few hours or something, I don't know. I was just thinking because—"

_"I'll be there in fifteen. See you!"_

Shizuo blinked as he stared at his phone's screen, briefly noting how quick Izaya was to agree. He then looked up, glaring at his two friends trying to hide behind the wall. If their head peeking was anything to go by, it was obvious they were listening in.

Before he could yell at them, Shinra spoke up, asking, "So~ Is he going to show up?"

"What was the point of eavesdropping if you can't even answer that question?"

"We just had to be sure you didn't mess up too badly!"

He and Shinra continued to argue with Kadota just shaking his head in the background. Before any of them knew it, there was some rapping on the door. Shizuo glared at his two friends, shooing them into the room they had previously hidden in.

He walked to the front door, yanking it open to see Izaya standing there with a smirk. Shizuo's heart skipped a beat, but he refused to acknowledge it, stepping aside instead to let Izaya in.

Izaya glanced down, and when Shizuo's gaze followed, he found Izaya staring at his friends' pairs of shoes.

"Oh," he tried thinking of an excuse, "Those are mine."

Izaya only raised a brow but didn't question it, toeing his shoes off before he took a seat on Shizuo's couch, the blond following.

"So, Shizu-chan's been ignoring me for the past few days," Izaya teased, his smirk growing. "What, can't handle a bit of inconvenience?"

"It wasn't an inconvenience, louse," he growled, feeling his fists clench. "Your apartment was on fire. You're homeless."

"I wouldn't say homeless." Izaya shrugged, acting as if this hadn't been the first time. Shizuo wondered if Izaya was just playing it off as nothing or if something like this had happened before. "Besides, I've been wanting to move out for a while now, it was just never my top priority. That's changed, fortunately."

"How optimistic."

"I know!" Izaya instantly agreed, ignoring Shizuo's sarcasm. "I'm going to have to find a place that people won't easily find this time. Some clients just get too angry at times."

Shizuo was about to retort something as curt as before, but then he paused at Izaya's words. "Clients?"

"I knew you hadn't been listening to me that day by the fountain!" Izaya accused, sighing dramatically as he shook his head, his smirk still in place. "Why do I even bother?"

"Seriously!" Shizuo growled, wanting to know what Izaya was talking about. Maybe he shouldn't have zoned out that day. He could briefly remember it, the day before the hotpot.

Izaya gave him a flat look, wondering if he should even try explaining it again. "I'm an informant. Some people aren't happy with the information they get, or they do something with the info and then blame it on me. Really, it's ridiculous."

Shizuo sat back as he let his mind wander for a moment. Izaya thought it was his own fault his place burnt down. Shizuo wasn't too sure if that was a good thing, but he knew it was better than Izaya being suspicious of something else. Out of everyone, Izaya should be the last person to ever find out about the curse. Shizuo knew it was unfair to Izaya, but he couldn't imagine what would happen if the raven found out.

"See?" Izaya's voice cut him out of his thoughts followed by a small sigh. "You're doing it again."

"Sorry," he quickly apologized. "But if people are out to get you, then you probably deserve it."

"Really? You don't think I'm innocent in all this?" Izaya leaned forward, his smirk morphing into a beaming smile. "You do a wonderful job at wooing your dates, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo didn't even think how his words would've affected his chances with Izaya. He couldn't have Izaya leave, especially not until they got this curse figured out.

"I just meant—"

"I know what you meant, I'm just teasing." Izaya lightly laughed. "Although, ask yourself this: everything's that's ever happened to you, do you deserve it?"

He didn't think too hard on it. The first thing that popped into his mind was all the people challenging him to a fight. It may have been his fault for not being able to control his anger, but he wasn't the one who asked for this superhuman strength. He didn't think anyone deserved such a terrible thing.

Then again, he thought as he stared at Izaya silently, nobody deserved to suffer because of someone else's mistakes.

"Go on another date with me!" he yelled out, not even registering the words he said until they had already left his mouth.

Izaya looked surprised for a moment, but it was gone as quick as it came. "You need to work on your flirting."

"Shut up!"

"See what I mean?" Izaya grinned at his victory. "But of course, take me out on another date, Shizu-chan. Hopefully, you do better than last time. It's going to have to be next week though, I'm a little busy with work and trying to find a new place to stay."

Shizuo nodded, continuing to talk to Izaya about trivial things with some arguing. At the back of his mind, he thought about the last week and its events. He made a firm decision not to leave Izaya— he couldn't. It wasn't right just to leave him, and besides, he didn't know if the curse would get worse. It was too late for either of them to walk away from each other. There wasn't much Shizuo could do, but he promised to protect Izaya. He promised to try and keep the bad effects of the curse to the bare minimum. As much as he hated to admit it, he was beginning to like Izaya. He was an annoying flea, and the more Shizuo knew about him, the more Shizuo realized Izaya wasn't a great person. Yet, he wasn't so terrible; there were these small bits Shizuo would see. He wanted to amplify it so all of Izaya's faults dispersed into nothing. 

Shizuo was going to stay by Izaya Orihara's side, and he wasn't going to let some damn witch ruin the one good opportunity Shizuo has ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry this is so late. life happened and school starts in less than a week, so yeah... unfortunately, school means less frequent updates :/ i have a couple chapters ready, just need to edit them, but after those... you might have to wait for updates


	8. The First Kiss

_"Shizuo!"_

Shizuo only groaned, pretending he didn't hear the voice through the door. It was much easier that way, and it didn't take a lot to ignore it. He could already feel himself slipping back into his sleep.

" _I swear, if you aren't up, Kadota's going to steal Izaya away from you— Ow!"_

At the mention of Izaya's name, he felt himself smile and sit up, glancing around the room to catch sight of the man. He didn't find him, but he found his clock; it was much later than he thought it was.

"Shinra!" he screamed, scurrying around his room to get ready. With a toothbrush in his mouth, he opened the door to see both his friends staring at him with disappointed looks. He only glared at them, taking the toothbrush out of his mouth for a brief moment. "Why didn't you come earlier?"

He walked back to the bathroom, his friends following. "We did. You even got up," Kadota explained.

He didn't remember that, but he decided that it wasn't very important right now. He had been waiting all week for this day, and now he was late again. He could only hope Izaya didn't cancel their date.

"You know," Shinra piped up, watching Shizuo throw a shirt on quickly, "Izaya might realize you aren't worth his time."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Shizuo grabbed his wallet, shoving it into his pockets. It didn't even matter if he took it with him, it wasn't like there was anything valuable in it.

"It means you have to try harder." Shinra shoved his shoes towards him and he put them on in a second. "If you don't make the effort for him, he's going to grow tired eventually."

"Plus, with that many dishes in your sink, Shizuo, you might lose your chance a lot more quickly than you think!" Shinra unhelpfully added.

"I thought you were my friends," he grumbled, walking out of the door. Once the three of them were out, he locked it.

"We are, which is why we're telling you this." Kadota's voice seemed exasperated. Shizuo paused for a second, slowly turning around to glance at his friends. He knew they were trying  
to help, but he didn't like hearing the truth.

"I'm leaving," he finally declared, rushing  
down the stairs of his building. He heard Shinra shout some more nonsense, but he didn't look back.

—

"Really, Shizu-chan, this is getting old."

He finally made it to the address Izaya had texted him. He didn't recognize it, but luckily, he didn't get lost along the way. He couldn't afford to be any later than he was, and with the look Izaya was giving him, he could see he wasn't as amused as he used to be.

"I try, okay?" he lashed out. He shouldn't have had shouted, it wasn't Izaya's fault, but he couldn't help but feel angry, mostly at himself; why couldn't he do something as simple as wake up on time?

Izaya just shrugged it off, but Shizuo knew their conversation was still in Izaya's mind. Still, he gestured to the entrance of the building. "You ready?"

Shizuo squinted up at the name before he realized what he read. "Mini golf?"

"Of course!" Izaya nodded, walking in with Shizuo following behind. "I just want to see Shizu-chan get angry. If I'm lucky, he might throw the club at me."

"I wouldn't do that," he defended himself, not liking how true Izaya's statement was.

"Oh, yes, you would!" Izaya laughed, heading up to the line of people. "If you can throw a gum-ball machine at me, you can throw whatever your heart desires. There's really no point in denying it."

Shizuo stayed silent, not wanting to think over Izaya's words. Instead, he kept his focus entirely on Izaya as the latter paid for whatever. He didn't want to think of how badly he could hurt Izaya, how he would suffer over Shizuo's bad habits. It wasn't fair to Izaya, but as he turned around and smiled at Shizuo, gesturing him to follow, Shizuo couldn't help but be a part of the problem. He didn't walk away like he should have, he just trailed behind Izaya, who held up two clubs.

"You know how to play, right?" he questioned, handing over a club to Shizuo, who nodded. Izaya smirked, walking over to the first course. "Great, you're not a complete protozoan!"

Shizuo gritted his teeth, keeping back his anger so he didn't accidentally punch Izaya. Izaya outstretched his arm, gesturing to the course. Shizuo didn't want to go first, but he supposed he didn't have much of a choice.

With as much concentration as he could muster, he hit the ball gently, but it seemed he underestimated himself again. The ball hit the wall of the course, immediately coming back towards him. All he could hear was Izaya's laugh, which didn't anger him as it would've if it had been anyone else.

"Well, Shizu-chan, isn't that a shame?" Izaya teased, walking up to his side as he placed his own ball on the tee. "This was one of the easier ones too."

"Shut up," he growled, though he wasn't as furious as he normally would've been. It probably had something to do with the curse or maybe liking Izaya, but even as Izaya got a hole-in-one and turned around with a condescending smirk, Shizuo felt no anger. Instead, he nearly smiled.

"Your turn." Izaya stood beside him, eyeing  
the ball carefully. He didn't like Izaya watching so closely, but he had to admit, he liked the attention.

He took in a deep breath, tapping the ball as lightly as he could. This time, the ball hit the wall again, but it didn't come right back to him. It sat two metres away from Shizuo.

This was when he was beginning to feel the rage. How was he supposed to be loving and tender to Izaya if he couldn't even get the damn ball in?

"What an improvement."

Shizuo was surprised Izaya didn't suddenly yell in his ear right before he hit the ball. It sounded like something Izaya would've done.

"Shut up, I—"

Only then did he realize how close Izaya had gotten. His hands were on Shizuo's as he stood right beside him. Shizuo stared at him, his mouth agape in confusion, but Izaya only talked about the game.

"Your technique's all wrong," he explained, using Shizuo's hand to swing the club forward. "Your strength is the problem too, but the goal isn't to aim it at the hole. Use the walls to your advantage."

Izaya swung forward again and the ball was in the hole, but Shizuo didn't feel victorious for that reason. He was still aware of Izaya's hands on his, and it was strange. It was a light touch, like something was barely even touching his skin. He didn't want to let go; instead, he wanted to turn his hand over and intertwine their fingers.

But then Izaya was pulling his hand back, walking away and to the next course. Shizuo didn't even realize Izaya had gathered both of their things.

"That's a hole-in-one for me, and three strokes for you," Izaya declared, pausing when he realized Shizuo wasn't following him. His eyes flickered up and down Shizuo's body, as if wondering what was wrong. "Shizu-chan?"

"I—" he stopped himself, not really knowing what he would say anyway. He only played it off as some anger, shoving his hands in his pockets as he walked past Izaya. "Let's just get to the next one."

They continued on like that. Izaya mostly got the balls in less than four strokes. He said something about putting, but Shizuo didn't get it. More often than not, he would swing but the club would go flying somewhere, slipping out of his hands.

Shizuo didn't mean to play so badly, but he was secretly hoping for Izaya to try and teach him again. That didn't happen.

After one too many clubs flying across the room, they decided to skip the last few courses, essentially ending the day. Shizuo was disappointed; again, he couldn't be a proper date. Izaya was barely able to be in the same room as him for more than a couple of hours before giving up on Shizuo.

He made his frown very apparent once they got outside, the dark lights no longer obscuring his view of Izaya, who looked the same as always, but it was enough for Shizuo, making his day better than it was going.

Izaya glanced at him, quirking a brow. "If Shizu-chan frowns any more, he'll have wrinkles before he's even thirty."

"I thought I told you to shut up."

"Well, don't get too upset. The day's still young, there's still so much time. I had a feeling this would happen, so I planned something else out," Izaya confessed, and when Shizuo averted his attention from the ground to him, he noticed Izaya struggling to keep his attention ahead, a knowing smile on his lips as his eyes fell to the side to watch Shizuo's reaction.

Shizuo didn't want to ruin anything else, so he kept quiet, hoping they would hurry to where this place was. Izaya wasn't telling him where they were headed, so Shizuo didn't bother asking, knowing Izaya wouldn't say anything anyway.

Izaya suddenly stopped, turning towards Shizuo, trying to suppress a smirk. "Close your eyes."

Shizuo's mind briefly went back to the first day he met Izaya, when Shinra forced him to shut his eyes before leaving him alone at a Victoria's Secret store.

Never again. "What?"

"Shinra's a loudmouth," Izaya explained, reaching for Shizuo's bowtie. Shizuo's breath hitched, and he really hoped Izaya hadn't noticed. He didn't even think about how angry he was at Shinra for revealing the embarrassing story; he was too focused on Izaya to really care about anything else.

"I'll shut my eyes, just don't— I said don't!" Shizuo grabbed the hand that had been up in his face, only realizing what he had done after it happened. He let go of Izaya's wrist, noticing the red lining on his skin already. Izaya's face didn't change, but Shizuo frowned. "I—"

"It seems fine, might just bruise, but that's not important," Izaya quickly dismissed, acting as if Shizuo hadn't almost just broken his wrist. As guilty as Shizuo felt, he couldn't help but feel a warmness in his chest at the thought of being with someone who could handle him.

Shizuo snapped out of his thoughts quickly, staring down at Izaya, who seemed like he was waiting. Reluctantly, Shizuo shut his eyes.

"Happy?"

"More than." Izaya laughed, grabbing Shizuo's arm as he dragged him off to who-knows-where.

Finally, minutes of blind-walking later, they stopped. Izaya let go of his arm, much to Shizuo's dismay.

"Okay, you can open your eyes."

Shizuo did, and at first, he was confused. He turned his head to Izaya, who was waiting for a reaction. Shizuo only squinted his eyes at him, thinking that would help figure all this out. "Why are we in the middle of nowhere?"

"Nowhere?" Izaya asked horrified, gasping as he took a few steps back. He then threw his arms out, turning to the empty field. "Shizu-chan, this is everything."

"Looks like nothing."

"It's called sentiment," Izaya defended, seeming nonchalant, but Shizuo noticed the strain in his smile. "I had this idea. We can take the role of a tour-guide and take one another to our favourite places. This is mine!"

Shizuo glanced at the vacant field, save for one tree. He really was trying to understand, he was desperate to. He was afraid that if he didn't, Izaya wouldn't want to deal with him anymore. So, he looked from top to bottom before letting out a sigh of defeat. "What's so special 'bout this?"

"You see that tree," Izaya questioned, pointing to the one thing that wasn't just grass. "Listen, Shizu-chan, I'm a city guy. This was the only place I had ever gone to that wasn't an urban area. My sisters and I would come here often and we planted that tree."

Shizuo found it oddly endearing. Finding out Izaya was a brother oddly made him seem like everyone else. It made Shizuo question if Izaya wanted to be with someone like him, but then Shizuo remembered who Izaya really was.

He wondered why it was so important for Izaya, wondered why it mattered to be in the part of the city that wasn't just buildings.

"What's the sentiment?" he found himself asking, noticing the way Izaya's face slightly dropped. Shizuo didn't like to see him so upset.

"This was different. It didn't remind me of anything," Izaya answered, his voice a little quieter than it had been before. "Plus, my sisters and I planted this. This was probably my last proper moment with them."

Shizuo didn't expect Izaya to be so open, and with the way Izaya turned his head to the side, it seemed like he didn't expect to either.

Hesitantly, Shizuo outstretched his arm, his fingers lightly ghosting over Izaya's, but the latter didn't accept it, didn't hold his hand. Discouraged, Shizuo took his hand back slowly, hoping Izaya would end up reaching for it.

"I'm not good with sentiment," Shizuo admitted, not really knowing what to say anymore. "But I know I get angry and I feel better after I punch someone."

When Izaya turned his head back, he was smiling. "Shizu-chan is the worst when it comes to comforting someone."

His cheeks heated up as he growled, hoping to guise his embarrassment as anger instead. "You never listen."

"Hm?"

"Thought I told you to be quiet."

"Well," Izaya took a step forward, and Shizuo almost instinctively took one back. Izaya held him in place, his hands finding their way to Shizuo's shoulders, his face close to Shizuo's. "If you don't want me to talk, then what do you want?"

Shizuo jumped back and ran towards the tree, hiding behind it. He didn't hear any footsteps, so he gave a sigh of relief. He didn't know why he ran— no, that was a lie. He knew the reason. It wasn't that he didn't want to kiss Izaya, but Shizuo had never properly kissed anyone else before. Some girls had told him he needed some more experience, and that was when he was still in school. He wasn't even a good enough kisser in high school, the place you were supposed to get experience. Since then, he hadn't kissed anyone, meaning his experience was so much lower than it should've been.

Peeping from behind the tree, his eyes landed on Izaya, who stood there a bit confused. Usually, the raven seemed to regain his composure quickly, which was a bit surprising since he rarely ever lost it. Now, however, he seemed unsure, for the first time.

Another reason Shizuo didn't want to kiss Izaya was because the latter looked to have experience. It was in the way he talked, in the way he looked at Shizuo when he put his arms around the blond— it was so obvious, no one was that good of an actor. The worst part was even more embarrassing; Shizuo was about four years older than Izaya, which means he should've been the more skilled one. How life hated him so. He blamed the wretched witch.

"Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo jumped, tripping over one of the tree's roots. His rump hit the ground, but he didn't let that rile him up any further. Instead, he glared at Izaya. "What?"

Izaya tilted his head, his fingers grazing over the bark of the tree. "I didn't take you for a tree hugger. It's strange, I never thought someone would rather be more intimate with a tree than me."

"Shut up!" he yelled, scrambling to his feet. He walked right up to Izaya, their face as close as it had been just moments before.

"Why?"

"Because that's not it!"

"Oh?" Only then did Shizuo realize how considerably low Izaya's voice got. He could see the beginning of Izaya's smirk, since he was so focused on Izaya's mouth. He didn't think he could look into Izaya's eyes. "Then what is it?"

Shizuo didn't think he could say it aloud. Instead, his arm went around Izaya's waist. He didn't waste another moment as leaned down, pressing his lips onto Izaya's.

It wasn't long, it wasn't anything too intimate, but Shizuo's mind was racing because Izaya kissed him willingly. He wanted to kiss Shizuo, even after the blond ran away. He dealt with Shizuo's strength, he dismissed it, he never got hurt— he was the epitome of everything Shizuo had ever wanted.

The moment didn't last long. Izaya's hands, which had found their way around Shizuo's shoulders again, tightened. It took a moment to realize that Izaya was struggling to breathe.

Panicking, Shizuo held Izaya in his arms, not really knowing what to do. He thought about it, knowing it was his fault, then he remembered the curse. Of course it had to strike now. For a moment, he had believed he could be happy with Izaya, that they could just be with one another without any complications. How foolish he was for thinking something so ludicrous.

"I'm fine," Izaya rushed out in one quick breath, but his fingers only dug into Shizuo's shoulders and his eyes squeezed shut. He wasn't fine.

Last time he said he was fine, he ended up with a broken arm.

He thought about last time and what he did to make it stop. The curse said he had to break a habit to make Izaya better, and last time, he promised to stop eating sweets. Just making a vow in his head was enough to take Izaya's pain away. Shizuo could only hope it would be the same this time.

He recited all his bad habits mentally, and the first to come to mind was how messy he was. He could briefly remember Shinra complaining about the dishes on his sink and all the other messes in his house. He vowed to be cleaner, he mentally repeated it.

When he finally stopped repeating his mantra, he focused on Izaya, just noticing how limp he had gotten in Shizuo's arms. Hesitantly, he lifted Izaya's face. Luckily, he was still conscious, but he was gasping for air.

"Izaya?" he called out quietly.

"Told you," his voice was raspy and barely above a whisper, "I'm fine."

Shizuo wanted to call him an idiot, wanted to scream at him that this wasn't nothing. He hadn't been fine, he almost died. If Shizuo had been a moment too late, Izaya could've been dead in his arms.

He didn't say anything though, taking Izaya into his arms to carry him home. It seemed like Izaya didn't like the way he was being carried, tapping hard at Shizuo's shoulder.

"Put me down, I can walk—" Izaya's breath hitched, and the panic was quick to settle in his eyes. Shizuo knew Izaya wouldn't be fully better until he completely broke the habit. "Or put me on your— your back."

"If I put you there, your chest's gonna press against my back. It'll be harder for you to breathe," Shizuo explained, slightly surprised by his quick thinking. "Just give me your hotel's address."

—

Shizuo had carried Izaya home, who had pressed his face in Shizuo's shirt to keep other people from staring. Shizuo had protectively put his arm around Izaya and did it in a way to cover as much of Izaya as possible.

At the moment, he was home alone, throwing all his trash away and putting things back where they belong. Today had been terrifying, so much worse than last time. At least then, it was a broken arm. Izaya couldn't breathe this time.

As he cleaned, he let his mind wander. It didn't make any sense. The curse said he had to be doing a bad habit to provoke Izaya's suffering. He hadn't exactly been doing anything when Izaya stopped breathing. All they did was kiss— their first one, too. Last time, it was right after their first date and—

Shizuo was beginning to see a pattern he didn't like.

First date, first kiss— _it didn't make_ _sense._ The witch said Izaya would only be harmed whenever Shizuo did a bad habit, not after they had a milestone together. The witch messed up. Whether it was the curse itself she screwed up or it was her giving the wrong information, it was bad because he wasn't sure what else he had been lied to about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this is old news now, but im still sad that the raptors lost :/ but its okay because the clippers lost right after.
> 
> anyway yeah.. ill try updating quicker


	9. Bad Habit #2: Being Messy

Days later, Izaya showed up at his house one evening. They hadn't talked about what happened the last time they met, but he was sure it was just because Izaya was a bit confused. He definitely didn't think Shizuo had the answers.

For now, Shizuo kept his secret to himself, stepping aside to let Izaya into his apartment. He walked in and sat onto the couch with a bounce, his head resting against the back of the seat.

"There a reason you're here?" Shizuo asked, taking a hesitant seat next to Izaya. The raven looked exhausted, and Shizuo wanted to know why so he could beat up whatever made Izaya like this.

Izaya lolled his head to the side, looking at Shizuo with a sigh. "I've just had a lot of free time lately."

Shizuo's brows furrowed, wondering if it was a smart people thing. "Isn't that... a good thing?"

"Stupid protozoan," Izaya mumbled, closing his eyes. "Aren't you going to ask why?"

"Okay, why?"

"Because I lost my job," Izaya answered, straightening up in his seat as he shook his head. "I don't get it, I don't work for anyone. I'm a freelancer, how could I lose my job?"

"Wait," Shizuo interrupted, feeling like Izaya was going way too fast for him to understand. "What makes you think you even lost your job?"

"No clients." Izaya stared at the ground, focusing on his thoughts more than the floor. "For the past few days, no one's been showing up for their appointments, and when I call, they just say they've found someone else. Even future clients called and cancelled. It doesn't make any sense."

It made perfect sense, Shizuo thought, but keeping to himself. This was the consequence for breaking his habit. Shizuo was beginning to understand; Izaya and him would share a first milestone, Izaya would physically be injured, Shizuo would break a habit, and Izaya would be harmed albeit not directly.

"What I don't get is how the Yakuza found a better informant than me. I mean, I—"

"The Yakuza?" Shizuo repeated, taking moments to process what was actually said. Izaya only looked at him, exasperated.

"I knew you weren't paying attention!" he accused, giving Shizuo a light glare, but he was probably too tired to hold it for any longer. "The day by the fountain, I told you all about my job."

"Oh." Shizuo recalled how he got distracted by the curse's revelation.

"Now I don't have a house or a job." Izaya rolled his eyes, getting up and walking towards the kitchen. Shizuo followed and watched Izaya get himself water.

Shizuo briefly wondered why Izaya was telling him all this. They had only known each other for about two weeks, they probably weren't close enough to be acting the way they were. Shizuo shoved the thought aside, thinking it didn't matter how long they knew each other. There was something between them, other than the curse.

"You can always stay here," Shizuo offered, hoping Izaya would say yes. Maybe if he lived here too, the apartment would have a less chance of getting messy. Shizuo couldn't afford a slip-up, for Izaya's sake. Besides, he didn't like having to wait a few days to see Izaya again.

"I'll pass," Izaya replied curtly, not even trying to decline nicely. Izaya was probably thinking of this more rationally and he knew it would be strange to move in with someone after only two weeks. Still, his answer was upsetting.

"So," Shizuo piped up, not wanting to think of the rejection. "How's your... you know."

"My breathing?" Izaya shrugged, leaning against the back of the counter. "It's fine. It was better by the next morning. Another strange thing."

Izaya was very perspective. He would find out about the curse soon enough, but he wouldn't get the details, and Shizuo wouldn't tell him. If there were one thing Shizuo would forever hide from Izaya, it would be this.

Izaya quickly dismissed the conversation, letting out a loud sigh. "What about you? How's your tree-hugging hobby?"

"It's not a hobby!"

"Oh, so it's more personal than that."

"Shut up!" Shizuo reached for the side, grasping onto whatever his hand touched. He hurled it at Izaya, who dodged with a laugh. Shizuo's anger slowly became nothing, taking joy knowing he really did find someone who could handle him and not get hurt. Then he remembered the curse and realized he was hurting Izaya in different ways.

He didn't get too much time to dwell on it, luckily, because Izaya was soon standing close to him, grinning. "Do you even want me around?"

"What?" Shizuo shouted, forgetting to keep his voice down. "If I didn't, you'd be dead by now!"

"To kill someone, you have to actually be able to hit your opponent," Izaya teased, a small smirk on his lips before it became something more innocent and lost. He clearly tried to hide it, and maybe he would've fooled someone else, but Shizuo could see past Izaya's front. "It seems like I just hang around."

Shizuo was getting more confused by the second. "What?"

"It's been two weeks and a lot dates in between, but you never asked something." Izaya's eyes sharpened, as if he were ready to listen to the most hateful thing someone could say. "Would you consider us to be in a relationship?"

Shizuo paused, mulling over his words. "Oh, is that it?" The look on Izaya's face told him he said the wrong thing. "Oh, I mean, then... do you?"

Izaya rolled his eyes before giving Shizuo a flat look. "Are you serious, Shizu-chan? Why else would I bring it up?"

"Shut up, louse!" Shizuo's voice got quiet before he continued. "Do you... want to be..."

"Do you want to be my boyfriend?" Izaya asked, no hesitancy in his voice. He seemed confident and not afraid of anything Shizuo might say, which wasn't entirely accurate; Izaya had looked afraid of rejection just moments ago.

"Fine," Shizuo grumbled, averting his attention to the side. With his reddened cheeks, he didn't think he could look at Izaya.

"Normally, I'd argue with that kind of answer, but I think that's the best response I'm ever going to get out of you." Izaya turned his head around, a smile gracing his lips. "But it's still a good answer. It's the best thing I've heard all week."

Considering how Izaya's week has been— with the loss of his job and his house— Shizuo didn't think it would take much to make Izaya happy. He decided to use that to his advantage and give Izaya at least one good day, especially since he was the cause of everything bad in Izaya's life.

Shizuo just looked away, looking at his dinner table instead. Yesterday, before he cleaned it up, it had papers scattered and stains stuck to the wood. The curse made its way to his mind again, and as much as he didn't want to bring Izaya any more suffering, he needed to experiment with things so he could be careful in the future.

He walked to his fridge, asking if Izaya wanted anything to drink. Izaya just smirked and told Shizuo to surprise him.

Taking out the milk, he suppressed a laugh as he poured it into two glasses. Izaya would have no right to complain, this was what he asked for.

"Here," he handed the glass of milk to Izaya, who looked a bit confused but accepted it, nonetheless, "Is there a problem?"

"No, not at all." Izaya inspected the glass before his eyes drifted to Shizuo. "But I must ask, do you bring all your dates milk?"

"What? No!"

"I'm kidding." Izaya stuck his tongue out. "But seriously, this is dairy milk, isn't it? I already feel my chest getting gassy."

"What does that even—"

"Seriously though, I think there's something wrong with the milk." Izaya shoved the milk towards him, looking a bit perturbed. "I'm just feeling a bit breathless. Sorry to waste your time, Shizu-chan, but could you get me some water instead?"

Shizuo shot up, both of the glasses of milk in his hands as he rushed to the kitchen. Something was wrong, and it wasn't whatever Izaya's problem was with dairy milk. Izaya was losing his breath, that had to mean Shizuo's bad habit took place somewhere; he was messy.

Spilling the glasses of milk in the sink just to be sure, he looked around the kitchen for any sign of a mess. Luckily, he found it fairly quickly. It was the milk carton, he had left it out. He tossed it into the fridge, waiting a few moments before giving his kitchen another glance. He wondered how he could've been so careless to mess up so easily.

"You took your time," Izaya teased once he made his way back and handed over the glass of water. "That was strange. I've been lactose intolerant for years now, and not once has that ever happened. It probably has something to do with your beastly presence."

"Shut up."

Izaya did. They both got silent, Izaya sipping his water as he glanced around the room. Shizuo let himself drift off to his thoughts, thinking back to the curse. At least he knew now that he would have to keep the habit broken in order for everything to be okay. Shizuo didn't think it would be too bad; he could be a better person without anything holding him back. He just had to break them quickly so Izaya wouldn't be too hurt, and sure, Izaya may have suffered by losing his job and house, but at least he wouldn't be harmed himself. They could live happily like this, Shizuo thought.

"Shizu-chan?"

"What?"

"I'm bored!" Izaya complained, his arms flying into the air as he threw his head back against the couch.

Shizuo thought it was nice to see him so comfortable and unguarded, but he still let his eye twitch to show Izaya how irritated he was. "Then do something."

"I'm trying!" Izaya sat up, his face looking a lot less annoyed than his whiny voice. "I came here so you could take away my boredom, but you're not entertaining me."

"Fine." Shizuo finally succumbed, though it didn't take much. He wasn't as bothered by Izaya as he appeared to be, but he didn't want the other to notice anything strange. "What do you suggest we do?"

"Well," Izaya's voice trailed off, his eyes drifting to Shizuo's front door. The blond's gaze followed, and only then did he notice the mini suitcase by the side of his door.

"Why did you—"

"We should have a sleepover!" Izaya interrupted, his eyes gleaming when Shizuo looked back at them. Shizuo didn't think it was a good thing to feel so smitten with someone he had only known for a few weeks. He couldn't help it; as annoying as Izaya was, his faults were overlooked by everything else.

Shizuo forced himself to look back at the suitcase, his voice mocking and exasperated. "Really?"

"Come on, Shizu-chan!" Izaya's whiny voice was back, but Shizuo couldn't hear anything but the grace in Izaya's voice whenever he spoke, even when he was complaining. "Have you ever had one before? I heard—"

"Of course I have," he snarled, his anger coming off as instinct. He didn't mean to be so snappy, but even if he liked Izaya, he still had his issues to work with.

Izaya smiled, but it appeared more sad than anything. Shizuo only stared at it, could hear Izaya speaking but didn't know what he was saying. He didn't like the way Izaya's eyes became downcast or the way his face fell. He found himself wanting to reach out and apologize, but Izaya would only freak out if he ever did that. It would be too weird, and Shizuo had to remind himself how long the two had known each other and how Izaya's defence mechanisms differed from his own.

He sighed, crossing his arms and looking away. "Fine."

They decided to start with movies. Izaya was picky, saying no to every movie Shizuo suggested. He ended up taking the remote and scrolled through Netflix, but then he complained about how none of the movies were actually scary. In the end, they decided to each pick a movie.

Izaya chose Saw, saying he had never watched it before but always wanted to. Shizuo somehow doubted he'd never seen the movie; it seemed right up Izaya's alley.

For some reason, Shizuo thought— _hoped_ Izaya would get scared, and Shizuo could comfort him. It was cliché, he knew that, but that didn't stop him from dreaming.

Izaya was like a different person. He wasn't afraid; Shizuo was more scared of Izaya than the movie. He would sneak glances at Izaya and find him smirking at the worst possible times, and other moments, he just had this sinister smile. It was strange to see him so open, even if it made the blond uncomfortable. Shizuo realized he wasn't as uneasy as he thought; whenever he looked at Izaya, he would smile himself. He really had it bad.

The credits rolled in and Izaya was laughing. "Can you believe it, Shizu-chan? Just imagine!"

"You're a lot more sadistic than I thought," he commented, taking the remote from Izaya's hand. The latter had stolen it from Shizuo's and rewinded some scenes to watch the characters' reactions again. Finally, Shizuo grew tired and took back the remote, enduring it was out of Izaya's reach.

"It's not sadism," Izaya defended, carefully watching Shizuo scroll through the movies, ready to reject if need be. "I like analyzing them."

"You wouldn't be cackling like a witch if—" Shizuo's own words got stuck in his throat. _Witch._ The one word suddenly reminded him of everything— of the curse, of his role in Izaya's suffering, and how this happy moment between them wouldn't last very long. It would be so easy to slip up.

He wondered if this counted. Since the witch had supposedly been wrong and bad things happened to Izaya when they had a first together, did a first sleepover count? He hoped not, he didn't think he could handle it. He didn't think Izaya could either.

"Shizu-chan's stupid," he heard Izaya insult, interrupting his thoughts. He wasn't sure if the other noticed his distracted state, but Izaya made it seem as if he didn't. Shizuo was sure he noticed something was off though.

"Shut up," he grumbled, clicking on a random movie. He didn't even bother reading the title or the description, he just wanted their conversation to end. He needed a moment to think.

Izaya didn't laugh at any of the scenes this time. Instead, he'd been quiet, and halfway through the movie, he scooted on the couch, sitting right by Shizuo's side with the blanket between them jumbling. Shizuo had stiffened, thinking back to the curse, and he was sure Izaya felt it. Not even five minutes later, Izaya's head was on Shizuo's shoulder and he took the blond's arm, putting it around himself. Shizuo only watched Izaya's face, but the raven stubbornly kept his gaze on the movie.

Shizuo quickly forgot about the witch and the curse— he felt himself in the moment. He felt himself against Izaya's side, and he couldn't help himself when Izaya looked his way, his eyes confused but all traces of the sinister man he was throughout the day was gone. He was like any other guy, only he wasn't; he was the only one Shizuo wanted.

So, he leaned down, tempted to press his lips against Izaya, but he couldn't. He remembered the last time, remembered Izaya's breath leaving his body and his struggle to breathe— his gasps for air.

Then, the movie echoed a scream and Shizuo jumped, but Izaya stayed in place, watching his every move. The movie ended as quick as it started, and Shizuo had an excuse to move even farther away.

"You hungry?" he asked, switching on the lights. Before Izaya could respond or question his behaviour, Shizuo continued. "I'm gonna order pizza."

He left the room, shutting the door behind him with a sigh. He was stupid, he knew Izaya wouldn't lose his breath; that would only happen if he continued to be messy. Still, Shizuo couldn't find it in him to kiss Izaya, even though he really wanted to.

He ended up ordering through an app instead of calling them. Izaya didn't have to know. If he found out, he might be upset at Shizuo for leaving the room, since Shizuo could've stayed on the couch and ordered through the app.

With a final breath, he walked back to the living room to see Izaya still in the spot Shizuo had left him in, a cartoon on the TV instead. He looked back and smirked, his eyes nothing like when Shizuo had seen them minutes before. Shizuo guessed it was because he wasn't caught off guard anymore.

He sat on the seat beside Izaya, glaring at him. "What?"

"Nothing!" Izaya stifled a laugh. "Just imagined you left to go and hug a tree."

Shizuo released his tensed shoulders as Izaya burst out laughing. He didn't think it was that funny, but then again, he didn't find any of the horror scenes funny either. Izaya was a special case.

The pizza arrived by the time Izaya was done laughing. Shizuo threw a bill of twenty at his face, knowing that was more than what the pizza actually cost, but he was too impatient to wait.

He set the pizza down on the coffee table, sitting on the carpeted floor. Izaya joined him, the blanket they had been wearing was draped over his shoulders. He looked at Shizuo expectantly, as if waiting for something.

"What?"

"I think we should tell spooky stories!" Izaya slightly giggled but stopped himself fairly quickly. Shizuo didn't mention how cute it sounded. Izaya really was a grown child.

"Fine—"

The word hadn't even left his mouth when Izaya bolted towards the light, switching it off as he grabbed his phone, turning its flashlight on.

"I'll go first," he suggested, the light of his phone illuminating his face in a way Shizuo didn't think should've been attractive. It was strange, but it highlighted Izaya's features well.

"Okay."

"There's this man," Izaya started, lowering his voice to match the room's mood. "He lives in his apartment alone. One day, he gets a call. It's the voice of a young boy. _'Bloody finger, I'm on the first floor,'_ he says and hangs up. The man, scared and terrified, calls the receptionist. She tells him it's probably some prank and he agrees, but he's not taking any chances. As soon as hangs up her call, the same number calls him. ' _Bloody finger, second floor,'_ he says—"

"Does this story go anywhere?" Shizuo complained, not really upset with the story. The way Izaya got upset and whined and told him to shut up was cute, in a way. It didn't anger Shizuo, and he liked that. Izaya didn't seem to think much of the interruption and just continued on.

"Anyways, the man is terrified and pacing in his apartment. He's dialling the number of the police when he gets another call. Upon answering it, he hears the same voice. _'Bloody finger, third floor.'_ He calls the police but he realizes the phone is disconnected and he has no service. He answers the call as soon as it shows up. _'Bloody finger, fourth floor.'"_

"Why does he keep answering?"

Izaya pointedly ignored him. "And it goes on. _'Bloody finger, fifth floor,' 'Bloody finger, sixth floor,'_ until it gets to his floor, the tenth. The number calls, but he doesn't answer it. There's a knock at his door, but he doesn't answer it. The knocks turn into bangs, and he finally decides to walk towards it. In a hurried motion, he opens the door and—"

Izaya paused for dramatic effect but Shizuo only rolled his eyes. "Hm?"

"It's a little boy asking for a band-aid." Izaya burst out laughing again and Shizuo, once again, wondered how this man had given off such bad vibes when they first met.

"That's a stupid story," he berated, noticing Izaya's laughter die down, leaving behind a smirk.

"Really? Then why don't you tell me one."

Shizuo did. He thought about every story he had ever heard and chose the most scary sounding. He wanted to give Izaya a good scare or at least something he'd enjoy, and by the end of his story, he thought he did just that.

They continued to tell stories, switching back and forth and trying to one-up each other. Izaya got more serious, the endings no longer funny but something more devious. Shizuo realized he never had a chance to beat Izaya.

Several stories and a pizza box later, Izaya stuck his tongue out, claiming his victory. Shizuo let him, liking the smug look on the other's face. Izaya was happy; Shizuo was glad he wasn't so stressed about his work anymore.

Shizuo checked his phone to see if it were time to head to bed, but Izaya had different plans. He only snatched Shizuo's phone, grinning at it.

"Prank calling," Izaya commented, and Shizuo could practically see the gears turning in his head. "That's a thing, isn't it? For sleepovers?"

Izaya wanted to call some numbers, so they did. Shizuo wouldn't say no, not when he knew how Izaya's face would drop.

Izaya dialled in the pizza parlour's number, silently giggling as the phone rings. Suddenly, he froze, shoving the phone into Shizuo's hands. Shizuo gave him a questioning look, but then the phone connected and he threw a punch at Izaya, who dodged it and moved to Shizuo's other side.

"I don't know how to prank call someone," Izaya whispered in his ear, and if Shizuo were any more distracted, he wouldn't be able to think straight with Izaya's breath on his skin. Luckily, he had to focus on the call.

"Uh, hi," he greeted, not really sure what to say either. He had been to sleepovers before, he had Shinra and Kadota to thank for that, but whenever they called someone like this, he usually just hung back.

_"Hi, how can I help you?"_

He muted the call and turned to Izaya. "I can't do this. They already have to deal with crappy customers all day, and I'm pretty sure this is gonna come out of their paycheque."

"What?" Izaya asked, genuinely confused.

"You know?" he prompted, but Izaya still looked lost. "Order a disgusting pizza and send it to a random place."

"Oh," Izaya paused before shaking his head, taking the phone from Shizuo's hands. "No, I didn't mean that."

"Then—"

"Hi!" Izaya cheered after unmuting the phone. "I just had a question."

_"Yes?"_

"Is your refrigerator running?" Shizuo knew where this was about to go, but he didn't think Izaya could make it sound any lamer than it actually was. "If so, you better go catch it. Bye now!"

The two stare at each other, Shizuo shaking his head disappointedly. Izaya only smiled, and Shizuo decided it wasn't so bad. No one's time was wasted— not a lot of it, anyway— and no one was harmed. If Izaya was having fun, if this was all it took to make Izaya forget about the loss of his job and house, Shizuo would gladly let him. It was moments like these when those bad vibes were almost nonexistent.

"I didn't enjoy that as much as I thought I would," Izaya admitted after moments of silence. "Well, at least I got to experience it!"

"Have you really never prank called someone?" Shizuo found himself asking, unable to stop himself even when he knew the answer.

Izaya's smile didn't falter. "I was a busy child."

They left it at that. Shizuo silently took a bite of his pizza, only a couple slices left, glancing at Izaya every now and then to make sure he was still there and hadn't run off.

"I think I got to experience all the aspects of a sleepover," Izaya declared, his eyes turning to the clock on the wall. "It's nearly three. You're probably in bed by now."

"You should be, too," Shizuo growled, standing up. He almost left the plates where they were, deciding to clean them in the morning, but then Izaya spoke, and his slightly strained voice reminded Shizuo of why he was trying so hard to break the habit.

"Well, I suppose I haven't been sleeping all that much in the past few days." Izaya hummed time himself, picking up the glasses and dropping them into Shizuo's arms with a small snicker. "Fine, I'll head to bed."

"Great," Shizuo grumbled absentmindedly, kind of glad they didn't use too many dishes. He began to clean them, not wanting to risk anything. Izaya didn't say anything, hanging around in the living room. Shizuo headed there when he finished, noticing Izaya had changed into different clothes. "I'll take the couch."

Izaya rolled his eyes as he grabbed Shizuo's sleeves, dragging him towards Shizuo's bedroom. He probably was guessing where it was, but Shizuo decided not to worry about that. He could only think of what Izaya was suggesting.

Shizuo stood by the door as Izaya flopped onto the bed, laying down comfortably as he snuggled under the covers, raising a brow at Shizuo when he hadn't joined.

Shizuo hadn't changed his own clothes, but he wasn't too worried about that. He laid himself onto the bed, keeping the blanket away from him. Izaya could have it, it was too hot for Shizuo anyway.

For minutes, the two only starred at each other in the dark, laying beside one another in Shizuo's small bed. He wasn't sure what Izaya was thinking, but if the soft look in his eyes was anything to go by, he didn't think it was anything bad. His own thoughts drifted to the different possibilities of their future, wondering how nice it would be to go to bed like this every night.

"I've only known you for a couple of weeks," Izaya spoke up, his words seeming hesitant, but he couldn't stop himself. Shizuo knew the feeling. "But I feel like I can just tell you everything about me."

"Yeah, me too," he replied all too quickly. It wasn't that it wasn't true— it was, but the curse decided to flood his mind. Izaya's feelings were affected by this too, at least now Shizuo had a confirmation. He didn't tell Izaya though, he didn't know how to explain the intensified feelings.

"I hate people sleeping around me." Izaya was surprisingly honest, but Shizuo just blamed the curse. "Around you? I feel like I have nothing to worry about though."

Shizuo wasn't sure what exactly Izaya meant. He didn't think it would be wise to just brush off his words, but he decided to keep them in mind for later, when he had a clearer mind.

"What kind of sorcery are you playing with, Shizu-chan?" Izaya teased, his smirk more playful than anything. "Maybe you're not a monster but a witch."

Shizuo told him to shut up, not letting his mind drift off to the curse again. They bantered like that for a few minutes, probably more. It went on much longer than Shizuo expected it to. Still, he didn't complain, arguing with Izaya instead.

Suddenly, Izaya dug his head into the pillow further, looking even comfier than before. Shizuo thought he looked right at home like this with Shizuo by his side.

"Well," Izaya piped up, not letting the silence engulf the space between them. "Aren't you going to kiss me?"

Shizuo hesitated. This was exactly what he had been wanting to avoid all day. He thought about last time, of Izaya on the verge of passing out, of his weight on Shizuo's back as the latter carried him home.

Izaya must've noticed Shizuo's hesitancy and decided to try and laugh it away. "I'm not just going to stop breathing, you know." He scooted closer, his hand on Shizuo's shoulder. "Unless you take my breath away."

Shizuo still didn't, and instead, averted his attention away from Izaya. "Izaya..."

Izaya rolled his eyes for what was probably the hundredth time that night. "For God's sake," he mumbled, grabbing onto Shizuo's collar and pulling him forward. Next thing he knew, he was kissing Izaya. He tensed up, not sure if he was able to breathe himself, but then he decided to enjoy it while he could.

Izaya was the one to pull away. He was grinning when Shizuo's eyes were able to focus properly. Of course, the first thing he did when he was able to see was look at Izaya's lips.

"I'm glad you didn't poison me this time."

"You little—"

Izaya smiled, his body a little too far from Shizuo for the blond's liking, but it was understandable. He was fine with how they currently were, just laying beside each other. He hoped one day he could put his arm around Izaya and hold him close.

Izaya then shut his eyes. "Night, Shizu-chan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was gonna make separate one shot for halloween, but it doesnt look like thats gonna happen...but at least theres this :) just a fluffy, feel good chapter


	10. The Truth

  
He normally didn't wake up so early. He actually tended to sleep in until noon, but he was glad that somehow, he managed to open his eyes. When he did, Izaya wasn't beside him nor was he in the same room. Shizuo shot up and ran to his living room, not wanting to miss Izaya.

"Izaya!" he called out when he saw him by the door, looking like he was about to leave.

Izaya paused in putting on his shoes, turning to Shizuo as he readjusted the suitcase in his grip. "You're awake."

"Yeah," be answered, slightly questioning the look on Izaya's face. "Surprised?"

"I wasn't expecting it," Izaya shot out, and Shizuo blinked at his tone, which was slightly harsher than usual. His face still seemed passive. "Whenever we've met up, you've only ever shown your face two hours late."

Shizuo understood now, but he didn't know how to explain the situation to Izaya. It was random and bad luck to let this be the one time he woke up early. Shizuo blamed the curse.

"Don't you want breakfast?" he found himself asking, and he knew his face probably looked pathetic and wishful, but he was a bit desperate. Izaya was mad and for a good reason, he couldn't just let him leave like that. They had such a good night, of course the next morning would only be the opposite.

"I'll have something along the way." Izaya looked at him for another moment before turning around, his hand on the doorknob.

"Wait!" Shizuo shouted, rushing up to Izaya. The latter stopped his movements, looking at Shizuo expectantly. Shizuo gave a sheepish smile. "The worst part of a sleepover is when they leave."

Izaya didn't smile or smirk or roll his eyes. "I hear it's better to rip the band-aid off quickly."

"Izaya, I'm serious."

"So am I."

"Eat breakfast," he said again, exasperated. He understood why Izaya was upset, but he shouldn't have been feeling moody to this extent. From Shizuo's view, it wasn't that big of a problem. He felt like there was something else going on, but then Izaya was looking at him again, and Shizuo noticed his eyes were just upset. Izaya was feeling this way because he thought Shizuo was late to their dates on purpose.

"I don't want to."

It was strange to see Izaya lose his composure, but Shizuo didn't focus on that too much right now; he just needed to find a way for Izaya to stay. So, he grabbed Izaya's hands, prying his fingers off of the suitcase, and dragged him to the kitchen. He was surprised Izaya followed so willingly.

"What do you want to eat?" Shizuo asked, walking to the fridge and glancing at the food inside.

"I'm not hungry," Izaya answered, shutting the fridge door before Shizuo even got his head out. The blond grimaced and rubbed his forehead, glaring at Izaya, whose face remained stoic. "Tell me something."

"Hm?" Shizuo knew what the question was going to be. That didn't mean he was ready to answer.

Izaya was silent for a moment before he averted his gaze elsewhere. "Did you make me wait on purpose?"

"When?"

"Every time."

"No," Shizuo spoke honestly, hoping to get it  
through Izaya. "I'd never—"

"So it wasn't some kind of test?" Izaya's voice was bitter, his brows raised as if he were expecting Shizuo to admit to that. "To see how much I'm willing to deal with, to see how desperate I—"

Izaya stopped talking on his own, shutting his mouth before he said too much. Shizuo took a few steps towards him until he was close enough to touch the raven. Izaya finally looked at him with vehement eyes.

"I'm not, seriously." Shizuo did his best to keep his voice down and his emotions calm. He couldn't afford to get angry and to throw all this away, for Izaya's sake and his. "I'm just a really heavy sleeper."

"But right now—"

"Right now, I had you beside me." Shizuo held Izaya's hands, noticing how shaky they'd been. They were still as soon as he got them in his grip; Izaya probably noticed the shaking and didn't want him knowing. Shizuo brushed it off and smiled at Izaya. "You're the only one who's ever made me get up on time."

He could see it, Izaya's stern face slowly breaking and replaced with the same look Shizuo had seen all night the day before. He only took his hands back, walking out of the kitchen and to the door.

"Stupid, Protozoan."

Shizuo knew he didn't have much to worry about. Izaya was fine, he wasn't angry at Shizuo anymore. They would be okay for a little while longer.

—

Shizuo got off the bus and walked through the familiar air. He hadn't been here in years, but he couldn't ignore it any longer. He didn't even know if this would work, but it was worth a try; something had to give.

He stepped into the park cautiously, feeling solemn as he eyed the playground. It looked abandoned, which was probably most of his fault; he threw a lot of the slides and swing sets around when he was younger. Luckily, the sand pit still seemed to be there. He walked to it and sat down, really hoping the witch would come to him.

Five minutes passed and there was no sign of her. He dug through the sand, thinking he'd find a letter or a note or something to help him get through this or to make whatever this curse was stop.

Annoyed, he shot his head up. "Come on!" he yelled, his eyes flickering the playground for any change. "Damn witch, I know you're here!"

"You've only gotten angrier."

He whipped his head to the right, the image of the witch looking the exact same as she had two decades ago. It was like he was four years old all over again.

"Undo this," he demanded, standing up. He was taller than her, and he was hoping to use that to his advantage to be more intimidating. "This curse isn't fair to anyone."

She looked at him with a sad smile. "There's no way."

As much as Shizuo had been expecting those words, they still stung deep in his heart. A flash of Izaya's sharp smile entered his mind and he knew he couldn't give up. There had to be something.

"Then why'd you show up?" he sneered, unable to keep the anger from his voice. It may have been what got him into this mess, but he couldn't help it.

"Because I pity you," she explained, and Shizuo only felt his annoyance grow. "I know you have questions, and normally, I would stay away and let you deal with it on your own, but you were young when you were cursed. I'm being nice."

He scoffed at her words, wanting to argue against it and give her every reason proving why she was wrong, but he held back. He was here for Izaya's sake, he couldn't afford her leaving without getting any answers.

"You messed up." He suppressed a laugh. He wasn't feeling arrogant, but the situation was catching up to him; he was beginning to see how absurd everything really was.

"I don't mess up unless I intend to—"

"Not this time," he interrupted, smiling hopefully. "You messed up. Your words and the curse didn't line up. You told me that whenever I did a bad habit, he would suffer, but that's not how it is."

"I know, Shizuo—"

"He suffers when we share a first together." Shizuo shoved his hands into his pockets, glaring at the witch as the memory of Izaya gasping for air flashed in his mind. "So it should be invalid, right? You messed up, so it shouldn't count— none of this should."

The witch only sighed, giving a small shake of her head. "That's not how it works, Shizuo. When I cursed you, my intentions were exactly that."

"That's stupid."

"It isn't. I lied to you on purpose," she admitted, and he felt the rage in him conquer the little bit of control he had left. There wasn't anything to throw—no slides or swing sets—so he was left with his angry expression, but she didn't seem to be affected by it. "That day, you were supposed to die, Shizuo, you were supposed to spend an eternity in hell. It didn't feel right, so I gave you something less horrific, but it still would've been too easy for you if there hadn't been something for you to figure out."

Shizuo ended up laughing. "Less horrific? You're out of your damn mind."

"Trust me, whatever's happening to him is much better than whatever you would've been experiencing in hell right now." The witch really did look sorry, but Shizuo couldn't see any of that over his fury.

"Shut up," he growled out, his voice quieter but no less angry. "Explain everything. Don't you dare leave anything out."

She looked at him pitifully. "Listen, Shizuo, we don't randomly curse or damn people. We, a group of witches, often speak to servants of hell. Those servants were convinced you wouldn't change— they wanted you to be one of them. It didn't feel right, as you were a child, so we chose an alternate punishment. It had to be approved by the Hell's servants, and they wanted you to suffer as much as possible with this. They didn't want this to be easy for you, so they made me lie to you. The curse doesn't care if I lied when I cast it; when I cursed you, like I said, my intentions were clear to it."

"That's stupid!" he roared after taking a moment to fully process the words.

"It doesn't matter if you think it's stupid," she explained. "It is what it is. I can't fully explain the rules to you, but I can explain what you've already discovered. As you know, whenever you and Izaya share a memorable moment together— A first— he will suffer. I'm  
sure you get the gist of it; you share a first, he is injured, you must break a habit, he is negatively affected but not directly harmed. I don't want you to suffer like the Hell's servants do, so I tried my best to make this so it was the least painful for you to live through. I probably shouldn't tell you this yet, but instead of making it so it's all your bad habits affecting him together, I made it so the curse focuses on one bad habit at a time."

"What does that even mean?"

"It means, instead of Izaya being affected by your bad habits all together, he is only affected by one at a time. Consider this: when you had your first date together, his arm broke, and every time you ate a sweet, his pain would intensify. When you had your first kiss, he couldn't breathe, and you had to commit to being cleaner. He was only affected after you shared a first together, right? Well, what the servants wanted was so he suffered even before you had that first. They wanted him to suffer even before you two met."

Shizuo furrowed his brows, confused. "But then how would I have stopped it?"

"Not that you have to concern yourself over this, but Izaya wouldn't have continued to suffer until you promised to break your habit. He would've, for example, stopped breathing for a minute before being fine." The witch focused her eyes on him. "This is a lot to take in, so let me put it into simple words: until you two share a first together, his suffering for that event won't take place. However, just because you've broken the habit doesn't mean you can backtrack and go back to that habit. Say you've gone through seven firsts together and have broken seven habits, if you break all seven at once, he'd suffer for all of them at the same time."

Shizuo didn't think he needed to know this. He wouldn't ever go back to eating sweets or being messy if it meant Izaya wouldn't suffer. He didn't even crave for sweets anymore, the thought of eating candy making him sick.

He noticed something in her gaze and knew she was hiding something. "But there's something else, right?"

"There's no way to undo this," she explained, her apology going unnoticed by Shizuo, who caught on to the look in her eyes.

"You're lying," he growled, taking a step forward menacingly. "How do I end this?"

"It isn't anything you want to hear—"

"Just tell me!"

She let out another sigh, this one seeming much more exasperated than the last. "There's only one way for this curse to end. If you want it to stop, you have to kill Izaya."

Shizuo felt his mind crumble at those words. He was expecting anything and everything, but he didn't think he'd hear those words. He didn't want Izaya to die, let alone kill him. Shizuo wouldn't be able to do that— that went against everything Shizuo had ever stood for. One thing he praised himself for was not murdering someone; he may have been violent, but at least he hadn't gotten to that point yet.

Then, he thought about Izaya. Izaya may have been alive for the purpose of this curse, but he still had a life. Even so, Izaya was suffering right now. If he wasn't being directly injured, his life was being harmed. At this rate, he wouldn't be able to live the life he once had. Shizuo could just put him out of his misery.

It may be cruel, but it would be worse if he let Izaya's suffering prolong.

Angrily, he gave the witch one last glare after coming to his decision, walking out of the park without looking back. Somewhere in his mind, he wished he had just stayed home.

—

With a cigarette dangling between his lips, he listened to them ramble. Shinra's voice was loud and grating, but Shizuo didn't tell him to be quiet. He couldn't with the thoughts running in his mind.

"Yeah! He really likes the sound of his own voice, so you might wanna—"

"I'm hurting him," Shizuo interrupted mindlessly, the words coming out of his mouth before he even realized. Shinra and Kadota stopped speaking, their eyes turning towards him to question his words.

"What?" Shinra laughed, throwing a hand in the air to dismiss what Shizuo had just said. "Stop being so paranoid! From what I've—"

"There's this curse," Shizuo began, not really knowing how to explain this. He didn't want to tell them, but at this point, he felt like he had no other choice. He needed their help. He looked up at them, squishing the butt of the cigarette into the ashtray on his table. "I used to be angry. A witch was supposed to damn me or something, but instead, she created this curse."

"What curse?" Kadota questioned, and Shizuo was surprised by the genuine belief in his voice. "Like, a curse where you can never be happy?"

Shizuo would prefer that over anything. "No, it's... she told me she'd give me love one day, that I'd love this person more than anything. They would hurt because of me and my habits."

Shinra only laughed again, clearly not believing anything that was coming out of Shizuo's mouth. "That's ridiculous, Shizuo! You're not making any sense. I mean, come on, how would any of this work?"

Shizuo was surprised that Shinra was the one to be doubtful of him. If anything, Shizuo thought he'd have an easier time believing the supernatural than Kadota.

"I can't explain it," Shizuo hissed, feeling himself getting riled up. "It's not that easy. It just happens. I just know that we had a first date, he broke his arm. We had a first kiss, and he couldn't breathe. If you don't believe me, you can get the hell out!"

It was quiet for a moment. No one said anything as they all listened to Shizuo's heavy breathing slowly become softer, until they could hear nothing but the whizzing of the cars outside.

"So, what?" Shinra piped up, and Shizuo could've sworn he had never heard Shinra's voice so quiet before. "You share a first, and he suffers. How does it stop?"

"I have to break a habit," he answered, not bothering to elaborate. He didn't think he could explain it, and he didn't think his friends could listen for very long.

Shinra looked broken, his usual smile was in a heavy frown. "Why are you still with him then?"

Kadota immediately turned towards the burnet. "Shinra—"

"No, I'm serious!" His voice wasn't levelled, but it wasn't a yell either. Shizuo wondered why _he_ was so angry. "If you know you're hurting him, why are you still speaking with him?"

"Because I can't leave him!" Shizuo glared at Shinra's narrowed eyes. "If it were that easy, don't you know I would've done it already?"

"Guys, stop!" Kadota demanded, and the two of them got quiet. "There's no point in arguing about this. Shizuo, there has to be a way to end this all."

Shizuo thought back to the witch's words, her demand to take Izaya's life. He couldn't do it, could he?

"I spoke to the witch again," he admitted, albeit hesitantly. "She didn't say anything."

Shinra sighed loudly, leaning back on the couch. "So he's going to have to deal with all this?"

"Why do you care so much?" Shizuo found himself asking, staring right at Shinra. "You barely talked to him."

"I got his number, remember?" Shinra shrugged. Shizuo wished he'd forgotten. "We've been talking a lot. I feel like he's a good friend."

_He gets me,_ was on the tip of Shinra's tongue, Shizuo knew that. He felt the same, but that didn't stop his jealousy from flaring. Still, he kept it to himself. This wasn't about him. He needed help with Izaya.

"So what do I do?" h asked, exasperated and hopeless.

Kadota was quiet, but Shinra seemed to find his words. "Like we said, he likes to talk. Find something he enjoys to talk about and let him just go on about it. Find his interests, something that he could spend hours doing, talk about that. Trust me, he'll love—"

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

It was good advice, but not what he needed at the moment. Shizuo felt his nails nearly break his skin as he clenched his fingers into a fist tightly.

Shinra just sighed before looking to the side. "What can you do?"

—

Shizuo listened to Izaya talk as they sat on the ledge of the fountain. It was the same one they met at last time, in the park. Izaya was quieter than usual, and that was probably because of their little argument this morning. Izaya seemed fine, but it was clear he was still a bit bothered by it.

As they shared another moment of silence, Shizuo let his thoughts wander. He didn't want to kill Izaya, he really didn't, and he was set on that. He wasn't going to take his life just to make it all stop. Then, Shizuo remembered Izaya's broken arm. He remembered Izaya not being able to breathe and how afraid the latter was when he couldn't seem to catch his breath. Shizuo didn't think he had any other choice; Izaya would suffer less, wouldn't he? It would be better if everything just stopped.

Shizuo forced himself to keep the fear off his face, which wasn't hard to hide, especially with Izaya's eyes so focused on the kids running around. He nearly sighed, wondering how exactly he would go about it.

Looking down, Shizuo found Izaya's hand resting on the ledge, a finger tapping against its surface. Hesitantly, he reached for it, his hand encasing Izaya's. The raven looked up, an eyebrow raised, but didn't say anything. Something in his eyes went off, and Shizuo thought it looked a bit like hope.

Tentatively, he squeezed Izaya's hand tighter, almost smiling when he didn't hear a gasp of pain. He focused on their intertwined hands, wondering why it was so easy to hold him without crushing his bones.

"Shizu-chan's a bit weird, isn't he?" Izaya spoke, his voice just as boisterous as before. "What, am I the first person you've ever held hands with? Is that why you seemed so enticed every time we—"

"What do you think about death?" he asked suddenly, hearing Izaya's breath hitch.

"Do you mean about heaven and hell—"

"I mean, dying."

"Well, what do you think?" he questioned rhetorically, his smile moulding into something Shizuo couldn't quite recognize. "Dying itself isn't so bad. It's what I'm leaving behind, which isn't much at the moment. What are people going to remember me by?"

"You're not someone that a person could just forget," Shizuo reassured, wondering what to do with the answer he'd received.

"Aren't I?" he asked cheekily before getting quiet.

Shizuo stared down at their hands, feeling just how soft and limp Izaya's hand was in his. It would so easy to squeeze just the tiniest bit, to crush all the bones in his hands. His eyes travelled up, skimming over Izaya's arm until they landed on his throat. It was so pale and unblemished, and Shizuo thought about the different things he could do to mark it. At first, his thoughts were a bit intimate, but then he imagined his hands around Izaya's throat. He could practically feel the bones break under his grip. It would be just as easy to snap his neck as his hand, and it was one way to go about ending Izaya's pain, but Shizuo thought it was a little too gruesome. Still, Shizuo didn't know how else to do it.

But then Izaya was speaking again.

"I lied," Izaya laughed out, his tone humourless— bitter, if anything. "Dying's probably the hardest part. There are just so many ways a person could die. You could drown, be burnt to death, OD on something— or maybe even just electrocute yourself. You could die so unexpectedly, something you didn't even think could happen. Imagine walking down the street and then your heart isn't beating anymore. Death is something I wish I could avoid."

Shizuo looked away from Izaya at those words. He didn't think he could kill Izaya anymore, not but after hearing that. He couldn't be the unexpected, he couldn't be the thing Izaya feared most. He looked at Izaya, who smiled at him, his face devoid of everything that Shizuo had ever seen before.

Shizuo couldn't believe he even considered killing Izaya. How could even let himself sit here, across from a man who trusted him, as he plotted his death?

Abruptly, Shizuo let go of Izaya's hand and stood up wordlessly, Izaya's curious eyes following as Shizuo made his way to a porta-potty. He shut the door and let his back lean against it, taking a sigh. He jumped when he heard a knock on the door.

"Shizu-chan?" a voice sounded from the other side. Shizuo wondered why Izaya had to act as if he cared. Why couldn't he just leave Shizuo alone with his guilt? "Everything okay?"

He took in a deep breath before replying. "Get out," he mumbled, not wanting to see or hear Izaya. His guilt was bad enough, he didn't need more reasons to feel regret. Seeing Izaya genuinely concerned only made Shizuo much more upset. All he could think about was what he'd almost done.

"Shizu-chan, come on," Izaya laughed out, ignoring Shizuo's sharp tone. "If you're not feeling well, maybe—"

"Get out!" he screamed, not being able to control his temper. He couldn't help it, all his thoughts and feelings were irrational. He knew Izaya didn't deserve it, it wasn't like he meant to give an answer to Shizuo's question that was the complete opposite of what he'd expected to hear.

There was silence for a long moment before he heard the sound of footsteps becoming distant as Izaya walked away. Once again, he sighed, letting the back of his head thud against the door in disbelief. He couldn't comprehend his surge of anger, but then he remembered why he was here in the first place; why Izaya was suffering. His anger was clearly the problem, and it had really only gotten worse.

He couldn't focus on anything. The sound of his own voice yelling at Izaya filled his mind and the thought of almost killing Izaya drowned him.

If Shizuo didn't kill Izaya, surely the latter would kill him instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its finally the break for me! over the past couple months, i didnt have much time to write, but at night id try writing a couple hundred words at least, so i do have some stuff i could upload within the next two weeks, including another chapter for this (hopefully) :) ive had a bit of writers block for this story, and honestly, i had no idea how to deal with it before. i used to just force myself to write something and just call it a boring chapter... but i now realize taking a few months off from something helps so much
> 
> ive also started "rewatching" durarara! (i say it with quotes bc when i first watched it, i only watched the scenes with izaya in it... so honestly, i used to have no idea what the plot was... my knowledge solely came from reading others fics). hopefully rewatching it gives me some more inspiration.... i also remembered how much i love izaya oops


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